(Little old Lady: “Ooh. James Marsden. I’d like to take him to a hotel, mmm…. and right to bed.”
Me: (laughing) “Why isn’t it ok when I say “I wonder if I could get her to spend a week in five star hotel with me?”
Little Old Lady “Because mine is all imagination, and yours is a possibility.”
Me: (laughing) “I think you mean ambition – not possibility.”)
Source date (UTC): 2020-02-13 09:28:00 UTC
Little Old Lady: (Accusatorially) “What’s all this?” (My other laptop open to a document on the counter).
Me: “Are you talking tough to me? Do I need to come over there and teach you a lesson?”
LIttle Old Lady: “What lesson are you going to teach me? You’re a wus. Am I wrong? Huh? What a wus. You’re scared to death of your mother. I’m gonna whoop you. They won’t recognize you. How is that for words of wisdom?”
Me: (laughing to the point of tears).
Little Old Lady: “Wus. Wussy wus. (etc etc continues)”
(The irony is this frail, old, prim, little, well mannered, quiet respectful, businessey, church going, cheer leader, catholic school girl talking trash is what makes it all work.)
Source date (UTC): 2020-02-11 14:03:00 UTC
(humor) I have this little old jewish lady ‘friend’ (who I adore) who anti-trumps me over breakfast now and then. I drive my mother to breakfast with the ladies on Sunday mornings, and sit at the counter working on my laptop while they chit chat and gossip at the table. Today she tells me that her plan to get back at Trump (she’s an ex-academic) is working on a super-pac to get Mitch McConnell replaced because that she knows Trump is going to be re-elected.
Source date (UTC): 2020-02-09 11:37:00 UTC
Wrong title. Should be Star Trek Cheerleaders doing a high school play about Star Trek, Written by high schoolers.
Source date (UTC): 2020-02-06 21:21:00 UTC
(humor: The little old lady is a typical clown-world new england democrat and hates trump. So I get to hear a fist-shaking rant from all 5’2″ of her roly-poly octogenarian frame wrapped in some old-person print-pajamas with my coffee in the morning as she watches the news. To make it tolerable I wind her up with GSRRM, and tell her she’s just jealous that she doesn’t wake up with his arms around her in the morning, with his warm belly keeping her warm. Evokes shudders on a regular basis. )
(For newbs, despite the desire to return to europe, I take care of my frail elderly mother, who is ‘all there’ but otherwise falling apart at the seams and can barely walk across the room even on continuous oxygen. The fact that she’s ‘all there’ and a self righteous democrat means she’s an entertaining toy to wind up and mess with. And it’s not that she doesn’t understand the game. She does. And she loves it. …. Humans are the most entertaining pets. 😉 )
Source date (UTC): 2020-02-06 07:48:00 UTC
Cramps are punishment for not having babies 😉
lol
Source date (UTC): 2020-02-06 07:22:00 UTC
(Elder Care Humor)
Nurse, going through the list of the little old lady’s medicines.
Nurse: “Any hospital visits?”
… Old Lady: “No”
Nurse: “Any injuries”
… Old Lady: “No.” …
Nurse: “Any falls?”
… Me (interjecting): “I keep trying but she’s too spry”.
(Pause) (Laughter.)
Gotta keep ’em thinkin’
Lolz
Source date (UTC): 2020-02-03 13:21:00 UTC
—“Epstein Released From Hell After Announcing He Is Transgender”—@TheBabylonBee
(Ok. I don’t do much of this kind of thing, but some bits of humor are just too good, the authors acknowledge for their art.)
Source date (UTC): 2020-01-30 20:56:00 UTC
(Humans are ridiculous department: Oh. And, you know how cops have a revenue.. eh … I mean ‘ticket’ quotas? Is there some weird rule in southeast Asia, that truckers have to meet a quota by running over and making road pizza out of so many jaywalkers, bicyclists, and scooter riders per week to maintain a license? The Chinese at least used one child policy. Is running over humans with heavy machinery a better selection process? Seriously. I know most of it’s concentrated in one country, but why? I mean, Thai truckers, Mexican drug cartels, Brazilian gangsters, Arab Drivers, and Islamic fundamentalists must be keeping a pool or something. Right? OMG.)
Source date (UTC): 2020-01-30 20:22:00 UTC
(Humor: Multiple videos today of chinese new year, plus lots of chinese firecrackers, plus young chinese men, plus questionable judgement, equals multiple houses burned to the ground. … Although I gotta give points to the guy who tied a three meter string of firecreackers to a chicken – he forgot that they’re fast, and they can fly over kick-walls, through doors, and open windows. So, today was Ash Thursday in certain districts I guess.)
Source date (UTC): 2020-01-30 20:01:00 UTC