Form: Diary

  • I’m writing. (As usual.) Business plan. Been my task for the past week. Probably

    I’m writing. (As usual.) Business plan. Been my task for the past week. Probably too much detail but then that’s my thing. I like to understand market mechanisms and convey them in both business plans and strategy documents. It creates a common model and language for management teams. I find I stick with my strategy documents a long time after I write them.

    I’m sitting under a canopy at a pub, drinking a cappuccino and water with lemon.

    I’m surrounded by two bunches of Ukrainan and Russian men drinking beer, smoking, and trash-talking. And loud. Louder than Americans. They’re Indistinguishable from Italians by other than accent, (bad) haircuts, and dress. And different in my knowledge that the amount of verbal nonsense tolerated before a fight in Italy, and the amount of verbal nonsense tolerated before a fight in Ukraine and Russia are inversely related.

    So you don’t act irritated in these circumstances. You just roll with the noise, bravado. And in my case, I’m thankful I can’t understand them very well, or my autism would force me to leave rather than endure the idiocy.

    There are a LOT fewer fights in Kiev now that the Russians don’t visit. There are more Turks on sex tourism adventures. (It’s no wonder. have you seen their women? ) But in general, I feel much safer here than I do in any American city. I usually carry in the states. I don’t even feel the need to here.

    I just make sure I have a bottle or coffee cup nearby.

    Just in case.

    🙂


    Source date (UTC): 2016-08-07 05:26:00 UTC

  • ( Lucky: I found a dark back room in a cafe, with an air conditioner and a power

    ( Lucky: I found a dark back room in a cafe, with an air conditioner and a power supply. ‘Cause it’s hot as hell here today. )


    Source date (UTC): 2016-08-05 09:28:00 UTC

  • Another day working on a business plan that’s thrilling. Awesome. Joy

    Another day working on a business plan that’s thrilling. Awesome. Joy.


    Source date (UTC): 2016-08-04 08:04:00 UTC

  • WE SAW A MAN DIE TODAY Sunshine. Restaurant. Small lake, about one football fiel

    WE SAW A MAN DIE TODAY

    Sunshine. Restaurant. Small lake, about one football field wide, by two long. Tree lined. Families. Chatter. Play. Laugher. Laying on a blanket in a mix of sun and shade.

    Voice of a female friend, shouting, authoritative, with urgency and fear. I look. About twenty yards away.

    Some older man I can’t see dismisses her with that patronizing tone that traditional cultures still demonstrate daily.

    No men are moving. The women are just looking. So it can’t be serious right? In America, when serious things happen, men run to it. Heroism is ingrained in us. So it must be ok. Right?

    Shouting continues. I can’t understand what they’re saying. But people are walking toward her. My other friend wakes up from the racket and runs to the water’s edge, looking.

    My subconscious says that she is telling an older man not to let his grandchild play in the water or something. It sure doesn’t look clean enough to swim in – at least that’s my opinion.

    Time passes – maybe twenty seconds. I wake up fully. I realize something isn’t quite right, and start walking toward the water.

    I see them watching someone swimming on the other side of the lake. All the other men all around the lake are also watching this guy swim. But he looks fine. And the men aren’t running or diving in, so I don’t understand what’s going on.

    Our friend, the woman that was shouting, starts running down the lake toward the restaurant. I notice that two other men seem to be in the water now, on the other side of the lake. I ‘m not sure but I think a man from our side of the lake started to swim over there.

    Oh. Now I see. They’ve lifted a man off the bottom. It takes quite a while to get him to the surface, and to shore. His color is wrong. The limpness is wrong. Someone tells me he was under for five minutes before my friend noticed his shirt floating to the surface. That means by now its got to have been what, minimum eight, maybe twelve minutes he’s been under water?

    The single young man tried to rescue him. No one else did. He is swearing and tired. They do a few things right, and a few things wrong. They don’t push hard enough , fast enough, and long enough and they still try to put air in his lungs. They put him on his side and smack his back a few times (good) then roll him back, and continue. They slap his face, hard. They pump some more. They roll him on his side (good) then his stomach (really bad).

    Two men from the restaurant arrive and take over – too heavy to run the distance they walk the last bit. The young guy who worked so hard knows the answer – it’s not gonna work. He curses loudly – as a shout. The heavy guy takes over pumping. Not hard enough either, but better.

    Many minutes pass. Silence from the crowd. Apparently my friend was yelling because a woman on the other side was calling for help and all the young (fit strong) men on this side did nothing. The old man was making excuses. Covering for their shame I assume.

    It’s been far too long now. Someone tells me he was drinking. Someone else says to me “Its our culture”. I say that it used to be our culture too – and mothers stopped it in just a few years. And that it was up to mothers to stop it in their boys. Some cops arrive, has to have been at least a ten minute response time. They jump the fence and have at him, and they press hard and fast enough.

    Time passes… what seems to me like a ridiculous amount of time. And we see an ambulance. These guys have bolt cutters, open the fence, and move in proper form, have at him, zap him, pump him, roll him, inject him, insert the IV, zap him, pump him, put electrodes on, and they keep it up for what I think is a heroic period of time. I have no idea, but it’s long enough that even if he came around I’m not sure what would be left working upstairs.

    They continue to work hopefully but the guy with the paper strip reading the ekg is really just documenting for the coroner what all the rest of us have known since they pulled him out of the water.

    They cover him with a light blue blanket.

    Maybe half an hour later the equivalent of the ukrainian crime scene crew shows up. Four men and one woman in a compact chinese car with ukrainian badging.

    They do the usual thing. It goes on for a couple of hours.

    The next time some middle easterner, or anyone for that matter, disrespects Americans for their feeling that they need to be heroes – to own the commons, and every soul in it – I swear to god I’m going to beat that guy within an inch of his life before I tell him this story – very slowly.

    THE MEN JUST STOOD THERE.

    Do you want to know why Ukraine as had two revolutions and will need a third before they rid themselves of corruption?

    The men just stand there.

    MEN CAN’T JUST STAND THERE.


    Source date (UTC): 2016-07-31 14:13:00 UTC

  • (damn. sick as a dog today. something in the food or water last night. one serio

    (damn. sick as a dog today. something in the food or water last night. one serious drawback to ukraine: unclean. )


    Source date (UTC): 2016-07-26 09:15:00 UTC

  • I used to feel like I was this ordinary guy with this alien monstrous magic box

    I used to feel like I was this ordinary guy with this alien monstrous magic box in my head obsessed with some puzzle unknown to me.

    But over the past year Propertarianism and Testimonialism have slowly tamed this monster.

    Or perhaps the monster sensing a pattern to the universe is less angered that my consciousness fails to perceive the same reality.

    And that distinction between the magic box and the person that is me is beginning to disappear.

    And maybe this frustration that has been a constant pressure on my mind since childhood was caused by this … Discord.

    And maybe others who sense the same “wrongness” will be equally un-frustrated by the same experience.

    Maybe the great lies are just more disturbing to some of us.

    Or maybe there is something in the mind if western man that cannot bear the dissonance. And I and those like me are genetic search algorithms searching for correspondence.

    Smith, Newton, Kant, and to some lesser degree Wittgenstein all share this same strange obsession and to equally deleterious person consequences.

    Hume, Locke, and Hayek seem to bear the burden more comfortably.

    You really cannot grasp – I am still grasping – what all of this means.

    I really do think it is as important as the transitions to reason, rationalism, and science.

    I won’t exhaust this set of ideas in my lifetime. And I am not intellectually capable of doing so except slowly.

    But others may.

    And I think the change for mankind will be fascinating.

    Even though I doubt that I will live to see much of it.

    Our ancestors stumbled on a great secret that no other people did.

    And all because they needed to trust each other as equals.


    Source date (UTC): 2016-07-23 04:28:00 UTC

  • OK So I want to work more today. I really do. But …. the grey matter isn’t the

    OK So I want to work more today. I really do. But …. the grey matter isn’t there to work with. It’s just not.


    Source date (UTC): 2016-07-22 12:20:00 UTC

  • (diary entry): (I always try to leave the room rather than lose my temper with o

    (diary entry): (I always try to leave the room rather than lose my temper with others. I do not like to argue. I don’t find arguing produces much good. And I know from experience that letting my rather painfully articulate verbal weaponry loose can have long-term deleterious effects upon people and relationships. So it is better to leave. Meanwhile I get into relationships with women who have no freaking clue, and tell me to stay and fight with them – not knowing what they’re asking. And worse you know, my father was a violent person, whose life I planned ending and came a hair’s breadth from on a half dozen occasions -and I have worked very hard to bury that part of me so far down that it cannot ever get out again. So I find it is much better to exorcize anger in writing, or walking, or sleeping than it is to exorcize it verbally, of physically. And I am not terribly interested in the opinions of well-intentioned fools who think otherwise. ergo. I now feel a little better. )


    Source date (UTC): 2016-07-21 10:12:00 UTC

  • My grandmother, in her French accent would say ‘Cuuuuuurt, you need to learn pat

    My grandmother, in her French accent would say ‘Cuuuuuurt, you need to learn patience’. Now people tell me I am waaaay to patient. Irony of age.


    Source date (UTC): 2016-07-19 06:50:00 UTC

  • My favourite vacation if all time is still staying at a castle in west France an

    My favourite vacation if all time is still staying at a castle in west France and bumming around Angers during the day.

    We stayed in one place until we went home

    I will take an expansive lawn, chickens, architecture true and rural quiet over even the beach. Especially when some semblance of culture is available.

    Possibly because it reminds me of the best part of my childhood.


    Source date (UTC): 2016-07-18 09:57:00 UTC