I’m a member of the 1%. I’m gifted. I’m a white christian male. But I have health problems that would ruin most people forever. And I consider my life extremely difficult and always have.
https://www.quora.com/On-a-scale-from-1-to-10-how-difficult-is-your-life-Why
I’m a member of the 1%. I’m gifted. I’m a white christian male. But I have health problems that would ruin most people forever. And I consider my life extremely difficult and always have.
https://www.quora.com/On-a-scale-from-1-to-10-how-difficult-is-your-life-Why
(I’m back on my game the past two days. Why? Customer was unfunded. I have time to write for a few days. )
Source date (UTC): 2016-08-16 06:20:00 UTC
DOING DISHES AND CHEMISTRY
The subject I know the least about is chemistry. Why? For very simple reasons: while there is an intellectual component that is akin to three-dimensional puzzle-solving, the existential feature of chemistry is dishwashing.
Now, aside from the fact that as an autist I really don’t like to get my hands dirty – it’s over-stimulating in a way that normals can’t understand; as a child, we had to wash the dishes after supper, and my father was a bit of a tyrant about it.
Chemistry involves dirtying a lot of dishes that need cleaning, and that unlike the joy of cooking, produces all sorts of smells, and burns, and other nasty consequences that someone with intense experiences just has a problem with.
I can diagnose a Ferrari engine pretty accurately just by listening to it idle in an enclosed space. I can criticize any artwork past or present. I’m an adequate if messy cook. And I’m hella-scary with what we can claim is true or not.
But I’m comfortable not working with chemistry really. Beasue I’m uncomfortable doing dishes.
Source date (UTC): 2016-08-16 05:54:00 UTC
(aspie diary)
( Maybe it’s the kind of autism I have, or where it’s localized, but I’ve been taking prescriptions for it since ’91 or so, and I’m basically rewired by now to depend upon it. And I don’t understand people’s complaints. I also have to take thyroid hormones because I don’t have a thyroid, and I have to take blood pressure pills, and my backpack looks like a pharmacy because of all the allergy and asthma-related stuff I carry with me. But I don’t consider these medicines any different than making sure I get red meat three times a week, and eat green vegetables, or get off my rear and walk a little bit each day. But modern medicine made a difficult youth and challenging early adulthood into a much more tolerable maturity. I suspect that for most people they want to hold onto an existing mental frame and not let themselves adapt to the new frame. Perhaps it takes a certain character to deal with introspective uncertainty and chaos for long enough to adapt. I remember what it used to be like, and it would focus like hell on one thing or the other, and I just couldn’t switch gears at all without a struggle. I still have ways of talking myself out of autistic state and into engaged-state. I just don’t have to use them unless I am very stressed or very tired. I watch Mr Robot and it’s not strange to me. I don’t have his schizophrenic traits but the behavioral tendency to live entirely in your head is what I had to train myself out of. And it was so hard that in retrospect I cant believe it. But you know why I paid that high cost? Access to females. Women were my incentive to fight the autistic fight. And it largely worked – albeit, there is certain kind of woman that finds me attractive or interesting, and they often share similar quirks. )
Source date (UTC): 2016-08-15 10:07:00 UTC
(Life in Ukraine.)
Not sure when or how but someone managed to steal my mac mini server out of my apartment, or luggage at some point in the past few weeks.
Damn.
Source date (UTC): 2016-08-14 05:59:00 UTC
(diary) (a life contemplated)
When I succeed it’s almost always for the same reason: I solve someone else’s problem better than others can. It usually the combination of extra-hard work, even disproportionately hard work, and creativity.
When I fail, its almost always for the same reason: because I want to solve my own problem, or complete my own project, and I don’t know when enough is literally enough.
The difference between these two categories is whether someone else establishes limits or whether I do. And the problem is, that as you learn more and more about a problem your radius of observable possibility increases – it remains a constant. So achievement is never achieved so to speak.
I have made this mistake repeatedly in life. Just as I have made the mistake of working myself into incompetence. Just as I have won and lost a number of fortunes.
I think because I like the hunt so much I do not care to eat the kill. And without a hunt I do not know what to do with myself. 🙂 Or it could be just a side effect of autism: intense exploration of a problem at the expense of all other problems.
Source date (UTC): 2016-08-14 05:10:00 UTC
Rustic bread, 3/4 inch thick.
Melted butter.
Sprinkled with sugar and cinnamon.
Coffee. Americano. Strong.
Singing hymns from the church in the distance.
A beautiful woman to kiss in the morning.
The sound of children playing.
Writing in bed. Reveling in it.
Source date (UTC): 2016-08-14 04:41:00 UTC
Argh. We get a solid customer for Oversing, and the investors pull the plug on the company. This has not been a good month for our business. It’s been a pretty bad summer really. lol
So damned close. But close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades. 🙂
We know we’re too early. We have too many nits left.
Source date (UTC): 2016-08-11 12:11:00 UTC
memory. 1975. rural new york. summer? walking through the department store. looking for cassette tapes. listening to bohemian rhapsody, totally aware that I am too ignorant to grasp the meaning of the lyrics, and not caring – i understand it’s timeless. just trying to figure out how many albums I can fit on a three pack of memorex tapes. i can smell the plastic, feel the tape, remember the sun.
cut to walking down the hall where the kids are singing ‘smokin in the boy’s room outside the men’s room … and thinking they’re nuts. not my tribe. certainly not college bound.
the color of the yellow punched tape in my hand. the impossibility of cleaning up all the dots at the teletype.
homogeneity is something that seems boring until you lose it. the fact that it’s boring means you are part of everyone and everything – and you have time and space for boredom.
And it’s in that time and space you find meaning.
Source date (UTC): 2016-08-07 12:59:00 UTC