Form: Diary

(Yes. I’m odd. That oddity comes from being largely a generational leap in cognitive technology more so than any particular gift of intelligence or emotional eccentricity. It’s just much easier to feel confident and cheerful when you have the rhetorical upper hand on pretty much everyone living. )

https://www.quora.com/Whats-it-like-to-have-a-150-IQ-Is-life-easierI dunno. I think I attribute most of my issues are the delayed emotional maturity due to autism, and not IQ itself. The issues are all social and career issues.

BADS

(a) I cannot ‘switch gears’. and even lateral thinking is hard for me. I had to learn how to do it. Even so, if I look at my life’s failures, they are all failures of cutting bait (switching gears) because I can see solutions, but they are not achievable with the people (resources) at my disposal. And amplified because I cannot judge other people well. Every failure I have in my life is due to a combination of inability to switch gears, inability to judge others, but the ability to find solutions, and then misjudging the cost of others ability to achieve them. I try to do too much with people.

(b) I had to work very, very, hard a socialization. I still do. It seems like I am very good at it. but it’s not natural. I taught myself ‘small talk’, and how to enjoy it.

(c) I like to ‘fit in’. I like people. But it’s very *lonely*. Although I think the internet has made it easier for all of us to find each other.

(d) it is nearly impossible to work for anyone, because they seem so stupid that it’s just painful. And I cannot feign otherwise (for long).

(e) getting hired is almost impossible since you’re incomprehensible and hard to imagine ‘fitting in’. Particularly if you want a ‘joe job’ where you have time to think. It’s like you have no choice except sales, leadership, and management. All of which consume think-time. Conversely you can’t do jobs like accounting since they’re so tedious and boring that you can’t stand it.

(f) the dating pool is very, very, limited unless you work at training yourself (i did, and still do). And what I value isn’t necessarily present in other high iq women. I like femininity.

(g) i used to be very impatient with people, and it was by a very christian like ‘infinite tolerance and love’ that I learned to both love, tolerate, and enjoy others. In my 20’s I changed from frustration to outright trying to help every person I met in even the smallest way possible even if it meant just helping them smile. I worked hard to be a teacher rather than a judge. And it was soooooo good for me that it changed my life dramatically. “The world is built for average people” it is not built for us. We are a luxury good for man. They in the middle are the reproductive evolutionary necessity. And the people at the bottom an impediment.

(h) I cannot read people, judge people, and need ‘a woman’ around to do that for me. In fact, I am highly dependent upon women for providing me with ‘human’ information. I can use it well once I have it but i cannot ‘sense’ it.

(j) I overestimate people all the time and I can’t stop it, becuase I can’t at all distinguish between what is obvious to me and what is not obvious to others. I mean…. this is one of my major failures.

GOODS

(a) Impatience with everything is an issue. I can’t do anything where there are a lot of external dependencies, or things that require a lot of wrote repetition. I have to feel continuous evolution or I get frustrated.

(b) I see (sense) patterns ‘on the limits (off in the far distance) immediately, and I think in patterns very, very, very quickly. (You wouldn’t believe how fast I can read a paper, digest it, and write a response to it.)

(c) learning certain things is trivial (stuff you need to sense distant causal relations), some easy, (stuff you need to imagine or model). But learning other things not (stuff you need to feel), or stuff you need to remember (morse code). Hence my interest in philosophy(information accumulation by ‘wide domain searching’) vs chess (information accumulation by ‘narrow domain searching’). This is a bit like saying intuition(wide searching) vs reason(narrow seraching). I am definitely an intuitionistic (INTP) not rational (INTJ) thinker. And why I like to work in teams with a conservative(skeptical) woman, and a man who is an INTJ. I don’t really ‘work’ the way an INTJ thinker works. I just put information in and the ‘demon’ (autistic O.C.D.) does all the work because it hates not understanding ‘order’.

Hence why I say I am not sure I am all that smart, I am just ‘gifted’. Smart people in my view have superior short term memories, and so are good stateful activities like math. I’m not ‘smart’. I consider myself more of a genius (that isn’t a compliment) it means that it’s a gift, not a disciplined thinker. What I have done is learn to ‘not try to be smart’ but to just ‘take time’. It’s a ‘creative’ not analytic cognitive process. Hence I am slower than ‘smart people’ at solvable tasks, faster at identifying patterns, I will absolutely positively solve the unsolvable tasks. Thats the thing: I *WILL* “figure it out”. Period. Doesn’t matter what domain its in. I will master the field, and find that answer. But if you want someone to calculate a tactic rather than to identify a strategy I’m the wrong guy.

(c) it is impossible to really be bored. I used to keep a book with me at all times to prevent having ‘anger issues’. Now I have enough in my head I can run on my own memories.

(d) material wants are very limited. Unfortunately it took me a long time to realize that i don’t really need to be wealthy to think for a living. I just need to want fewer material things to acquire, own, and maintain. Living overseas in one room in a hotel with nothing but technology and my wardrobe helped me understand that.

(e) competing in business is …. so easy it’s …almost not worthwhile. In fact, at this point, business problems are almost entirely an issue of convincing dumber people what they need to do, and convincing those who cannot sense see or understand a vision on the horizon of its outrageous returns in exchange for limited inputs.

Net is that all the problems are social. Otherwise gifts are nice.

That’s what I got….

(h/t David Mondrus )