Form: Diary

So this is what I have learned:

– I am dependent. I cannot be dependent upon men. I feel unsafe in Ukraine, mostly because I can’t speak the language, but also because of money, and because of cultural differences – which is why I seek women to provide me comfort and women to act as intermediaries.

– I feel unsafe because of Veronika. Not only that she is a cost, but that she terrorizes me. I don’t see any of the other girls improving that condition.

– I don’t see anything coming of the relationship with tati.

– My loneliness is satisfied by my work friends, and my writing and popularity.

– I am unsure but it is just as likely that I would be happy with an assistant/housekeeper since I really do not care if I get other attention from a room mate.

– best and cheapest answer is to go solo with an assistant to help me.

– Love the idea of being near Don. Also feels like fate. I try to listen to fate.

– Think I might be better off in Seattle, but can’t afford an assistant there.

– Best answer is to keep as assistant, tati, abandon the costs of the others, and forget them and see how the year plays out.

– stay here in tallinn while the divorce plays out?

I didn’t realize the burden my aspie-ness was on my wife Allora (now ex). The illness made it far worse. She was a saint really. And traveling together was an experience that was without equal. Travel just isn’t the same without someone who appreciates design, craft, art, architecture and history. We were an interesting pair. Nothing really possible to equal it. Some women are precious beyond measure. People like us don’t exist any longer. We are the last generation of nobility I think. The opposition succeeded in less than a century in destroying the west. Sad. Not just for us. But for mankind.