( Silly thing: back in my 20’s and 30’s, I found loading cartridges (bullets) very ‘mindful’ and it made me feel calm, peaceful and ‘whole’. In no small part because it’s dangerous, procedural, and ritualistic, and so your mind cannot wander. In retrospect loading is a very different kind of tea ceremony. Which is pretty humorous. )
Source date (UTC): 2015-12-14 03:12:00 UTC
20— Asthma Management / Oxygenation management
2012 Gallbladder – Liver necrotic infection – after 8 months of severe pain.
2012 Paleo Diet to lose weight: 30lbs.
2012 Isolation of Vitamin D and Calcium Deficiencies.
2011 Isolation of allergies to Preservatives + Perforated stomach.
2010 Asthma changes from seasonal to chronic.
2009 Second Cancer Surgery
2008 Second Radiation Treatment (ineffective)
2005-2009 constant illnesses from immune system stress – frequent loss of consciousness during coughing. (fixed with hydration)
2004 Sinus Polyp Surgery (compromised immune system)
2002 Cancer Surgery and Radiation
2000 Apnea discovered as reason for adrenaline overproduction
1999 Next Exhaustion and Hospitalization (run up to the crash)
1997 First Asthma Diagnosis (finally)
1996 European Flu (lost 30lbs – killed 200 ppl)
1992 Find current prescriptions that alleviate autistic ‘focus’ problem and life improves by orders of magnitude.
1987 First Exhaustion (irregular heartbeat) Start Prescriptions
1977 “Swine Flu” (Never felt right after this)
1972 “Seasonal Allergies Appear – and are severe”
???? Mumps etc. No chicken pox.
1963 “Rubella”
1961 “whooping cough”
1959 Born – Celtic Lactose Intolerance.
Source date (UTC): 2015-12-11 06:07:00 UTC
(diary)
did good work today. took kirill’s advice and worked at sleeping. plus the vitamin d clearly works. still having problems because of the darkness but it’s a thousand times better than last year.
today is one of those days where everything went well, but I really appreciate all my friends. thank god for all of them.
Source date (UTC): 2015-12-07 14:46:00 UTC
I just can’t live in a bigger city. Just can’t do it. (a) too loud, too dirty, and (b) too much bacteria, virus, and disease everywhere. (c) public transportation is exhausting, noisy, rude, disease carrying, and filthy. (d) too far to travel to get to it for work, too far to travel to get out of it for leisure. (e) shopping is the same everywhere now, and I’ve already owned everything a man can rationally want to own. And aside from a Porsche, ralph lauren clothes, and a fancy computer, the only other thing I want is good relationships, good restaurants, and time.
A car ride of 25 minutes helps you relax and change from work to home context and visa versa. It’s sanitary assuming you’re sanitary. It’s relatively quiet, air conditioned, and filled with your news, audio book, news or even video (ahem).
A city where you can walk without public transportation, that isn’t too loud, or too dirty is perfect.
Source date (UTC): 2015-12-07 14:11:00 UTC
( Miss you today Carolynn Smith. Hope all is well in BC. )
Source date (UTC): 2015-12-06 12:09:00 UTC
( aspieness ) ( diary )
When I was in seventh grade I remember the school wanting me to take another reading course because my tests came back with lower comprehension scores. Which I thought strange given my rather absurd volume of reading and the level of books that I was reading. My mother was convinced something was wrong and went to talk to the principle.
But I never connected my stunted ability to empathize with and therefore agree with the questions asked as an impediment to reading comprehension. And I am pretty sure I just saw most writing reliant I empathy as irrelevant or an attempt to cloud the issue.
Once I began to understand the influence of autism in delaying development it became obvious.
Now I find it humorous. Although I still have a problem with dramatic fiction unless it is loaded with ideas rather than experiences.
I suppose it’s why encyclopedias were so enjoyable to read so young. Lots of information but no incomprehensible experiences to create confusion.
To some degree the world is so much easier once you realize that you’re different. And just fine when you realize our brains develop at different rates in order to create an inter temporal division of perception.
Equality has been a catastrophe. The classroom has been a catastrophe. These are industrial concepts not human.
Unlike ants, our specialization does not produce easily visible physical differences.
Most of our differences are the result of minor variations in hormones which produce a symphony of specializations largely by accelerating or limiting some region of growth.
We specialize in conceptual biases.
Source date (UTC): 2015-12-06 08:49:00 UTC
Sometimes I think why me?
Other times I thank god.
Tonight is the latter.
Too much beauty no man ever said. 😉
Source date (UTC): 2015-12-04 16:14:00 UTC
(diary)
( On a totally unrelated subject, I’m getting a little too distracted with the fun stuff and propaganda, and I need to narrow my work again to reading papers, writing tests and proofs, working on the book,and working on the product. So this post is more of a promise to myself to use a little more discipline.;) )
Source date (UTC): 2015-12-02 10:43:00 UTC
I should thank my long term college girlfriend Chris Cushing Mallory (NY,NY) for making me feel so bad about my interest in games that I abandoned them altogether and focused upon technology, business, philosophy and politics. I could just have as easily become the author of more computer games as a philosopher or businessman. Her disapproval forced me to engage with people and solve real problems. Games did positively affect me because they require systems thinking. Programming did affect me because it requires operational construction. Artificial intelligence did affect me because it requires you grasp the problem of informational scarcity, incentives and decidability. Business did affect me because (lacking a bit of empathy) I had to learn how to identify and solve incentives. That lead me to Hayek and Popper. While I was working very hard on AI in 1982-1990, and by late 90’s I understood the importance of property in creating an intelligence, I didn’t realize how close I was at the time (using emotions as incentives), I probably could have made something of it if in a laboratory or academic setting where I had more time to devote to it. I am still much happier with my current avocation than with any that I would have contributed to AI. One thing that I have come to realize is that working alone, as an autistic, unaware of the vast differences between myself and others (despite my slower pace), my mother’s catholic humility (which others would deny I possess a drop of) was an inhibitor to me almost as much as my college poverty was. I couldn’t decide if there was something wrong with me, or with my teachers and professors – because I had a great deal of reading behind me and something ‘didn’t fit’. Turns out it was my teachers and professors – or rather, all teachers and professors of that era. Had I possessed less humility, then arrogance may have carried me through. (again, I was considered profoundly arrogant most of my life – so perhaps not.) Conversely, I am certain that I would not be here, doing what I am, if I had succeeded in some other endeavor. But, what has occurred is that my professional career was a necessary learning experience even if it was a distraction from the central purpose I set myself to at the age of twelve. Today I don’t lack clarity, and I don’t require arrogance. I know that mission, I am happy with it. The gods work their ways on us. 😉
Read Aurelius. Write a diary. Analyze your life past and life future. It is very hard to lie to yourself in writing. Especially if you must re-read your words later. So, a diary it is a form of prayer. A confession before your god. So, Know Thyself. Craft yourself. Die fulfilled. Leave the world better for having lived in it. Life is an apple. Take big bites. Moderation is for monks.
Source date (UTC): 2015-12-01 04:54:00 UTC
(Others remind me. Getting too emotionally engaged I think. Religion is far too human an endeavor. Back to the hard work it is.)
Source date (UTC): 2015-11-29 08:32:00 UTC