(Scaring myself again today. Damn)
Source date (UTC): 2020-06-16 10:11:00 UTC
Form: Diary
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Apologies…. Sorry all. I”m so fking overloaded trying to get constitution out,
Apologies….
Sorry all. I”m so fking overloaded trying to get constitution out, and it’s a peak allergy day as well, and I didn’t sleep well because of it, and my keyboard is sticking because I spilled coffe on it, and Grammarly is miscorrecting words, or not correcting words, and my eyes are watering from the allergies, and I have a stack of like fift phone calls and god knows how many emails and messages I have to get to most of which are actually fairly important, so I’m doing a rally sh-tty job of ‘P-tech support’ today. -hugs
Ack.
Source date (UTC): 2020-06-08 17:06:00 UTC
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I miss Ukraine.
I miss Ukraine. I miss Kiev Center, L’viv Center, and the Carpathians. The air is different than white mountains or the cascades and so are the people. Friend called yesterday to tell me about a new news channel a ‘friend’ (friendly acquaintance) of mine has started. Lots of photos. Lots of laughter. Lots of gossip. Word is the Russians from the east have invaded like Mexicans have invaded the USA and it’s causing the same problems. Ukrainians are cultured, and soft spoken, and Russians are the Ukrainian version of america’s ‘trailer trash’: loud, rude, crude, and generally uncultured. Same is true in Estonia in Lithuania and Finland, by the way. I love russians among russians like I love all people among their own, but I don’t love them tuning cultural europe into trailer parks, any more than I like what happened to our cities in 20’s and the 60’s and now.
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I miss Ukraine.
I miss Ukraine. I miss Kiev Center, L’viv Center, and the Carpathians. The air is different than white mountains or the cascades and so are the people. Friend called yesterday to tell me about a new news channel a ‘friend’ (friendly acquaintance) of mine has started. Lots of photos. Lots of laughter. Lots of gossip. Word is the Russians from the east have invaded like Mexicans have invaded the USA and it’s causing the same problems. Ukrainians are cultured, and soft spoken, and Russians are the Ukrainian version of america’s ‘trailer trash’: loud, rude, crude, and generally uncultured. Same is true in Estonia in Lithuania and Finland, by the way. I love russians among russians like I love all people among their own, but I don’t love them tuning cultural europe into trailer parks, any more than I like what happened to our cities in 20’s and the 60’s and now.
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Thoughts…
Jan 5, 2020, 3:51 PM Subconscious has been troubled by (or working on) something that is beginning to take shape, and I can’t quite put my finger on it yet, but it’s coming out as very clear distinction between the feminine semitic and compromise hindu, and masculine european-sinic, but it’s deeper than that. It’s that the female-semitic method of argument (baiting into hazard is literally the antithesis of evolution. It’s the greatest threat to humanity – greater than plagues. Because its a plague of the mind. The discussions today on operations. It’s another example of whomever made the comment last summer, that the Grammars are as important as testimonialism and acquistionism+propertarianism. I keep seeing more and more opportunity behind the grammars and this whole need for a new mathematics and the grammars is running around my head and there is something there on the fringes of auto association – a pattern of something – that I think would dwarf the previous insights. So there is this strange constellation forming between the semitic-european falseood-truth problem, the next-math problem, and … damn. Constitution -> Course -> Big Book -> Religion – and in the background I”m going to have to work on this problem and see where wolfram hit a dead end.
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Thoughts…
Jan 5, 2020, 3:51 PM Subconscious has been troubled by (or working on) something that is beginning to take shape, and I can’t quite put my finger on it yet, but it’s coming out as very clear distinction between the feminine semitic and compromise hindu, and masculine european-sinic, but it’s deeper than that. It’s that the female-semitic method of argument (baiting into hazard is literally the antithesis of evolution. It’s the greatest threat to humanity – greater than plagues. Because its a plague of the mind. The discussions today on operations. It’s another example of whomever made the comment last summer, that the Grammars are as important as testimonialism and acquistionism+propertarianism. I keep seeing more and more opportunity behind the grammars and this whole need for a new mathematics and the grammars is running around my head and there is something there on the fringes of auto association – a pattern of something – that I think would dwarf the previous insights. So there is this strange constellation forming between the semitic-european falseood-truth problem, the next-math problem, and … damn. Constitution -> Course -> Big Book -> Religion – and in the background I”m going to have to work on this problem and see where wolfram hit a dead end.
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That Feeling When…
Mar 26, 2020, 7:07 PM …You’re young, travelling the world, by plane, train, car, foot, and don’t know yet that you’re autistic, and the informational overload produces a high – until it doesn’t. And you simply can’t take it anymore, and need to be still and quiet. And your significant other is all full of go go go and your brain is mush. You don’t know where you are. What day it is. What time it is. Where your luggage is. But you go with her anyway. And what little ‘you’ exists in normal circumstances dissipates into a veil, then a whisp, then disappears, your inner voice disappears, your emotions disappear, your wants disappear, your thoughts disappear, your agency disappears, and you do nothing but absorb experience and information without processing it, feeling it, or judging it, just recording it and riding on overdose – but having habituated a lifetime of acting normal your autopilot goes thru the motions, including dinner, chit chat with friends, making idle conversation. And you sleep for twelve hours and repeat the process.
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That Feeling When…
Mar 26, 2020, 7:07 PM …You’re young, travelling the world, by plane, train, car, foot, and don’t know yet that you’re autistic, and the informational overload produces a high – until it doesn’t. And you simply can’t take it anymore, and need to be still and quiet. And your significant other is all full of go go go and your brain is mush. You don’t know where you are. What day it is. What time it is. Where your luggage is. But you go with her anyway. And what little ‘you’ exists in normal circumstances dissipates into a veil, then a whisp, then disappears, your inner voice disappears, your emotions disappear, your wants disappear, your thoughts disappear, your agency disappears, and you do nothing but absorb experience and information without processing it, feeling it, or judging it, just recording it and riding on overdose – but having habituated a lifetime of acting normal your autopilot goes thru the motions, including dinner, chit chat with friends, making idle conversation. And you sleep for twelve hours and repeat the process.
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soon as I publish…
Nov 21, 2019, 2:37 PM I’ve been struggling with the knowledge that as soon as I publish i’m going to end up in a worse position than Macdonald and Duchesne, because I’m proposing solutions. So talking it over with a friend today (my “Therapist”) and helped me realize that my defense is pretty easy: 1) It’s true. period. 2) It will make the world a better place – and fast. 3) And the cost is intolerance, rectification, and escalating restitution, and punishment of those who did harm. So the problem is, if you don’t want those things, what’s your defense?
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soon as I publish…
Nov 21, 2019, 2:37 PM I’ve been struggling with the knowledge that as soon as I publish i’m going to end up in a worse position than Macdonald and Duchesne, because I’m proposing solutions. So talking it over with a friend today (my “Therapist”) and helped me realize that my defense is pretty easy: 1) It’s true. period. 2) It will make the world a better place – and fast. 3) And the cost is intolerance, rectification, and escalating restitution, and punishment of those who did harm. So the problem is, if you don’t want those things, what’s your defense?