Curt Doolittle

Form: Diary

  • Been too stressed to thank all my friends lately. But thank all of you for helpi

    Been too stressed to thank all my friends lately. But thank all of you for helping me on this journey.

    The past year has not been one of technical insights, because religion and history have been my main focus. It’s actually much harder than the work I did on truth, because it’s so intangible.

    I could not have made this progress without all your help.

    Over the past year, I have been unfortunately too caught up in the Trump phenomenon, and too caught up in the alt-right. And this has affected my work. I’ve tried to distance myself from the negativity over the past two months. And that’s helping a little. But I have to keep my eye on the long game and not get all wound up in current events.

    While we all desire attention and most of us validation from popularity, it can also be a distraction – a malincentive.

    So I am going to try to continue to focus on getting the book out. Given the size of it, I still might take roman’s advice and put out a summary paper first. I didn’t because I’m afraid it might anchor me one way or the other, the same way talking about books anchors all other authors.

    As the fallacy of the 20th century falls apart thanks to Obama’s disorganized contraction of US Power, the reassertion of both russia and the east, and the rapid falls of the middle east and south american promises, the chaos has increased demand for certainty and therefore authority.

    I am at heart, a libertarian in the tradition of aryanism both good and bad. and I am not fond of authority. Just the opposite. I’m an advocate for destroying authority so that only demonstrated excellence prevails.

    Anyway, that said, again, thank all of you for helping me work through these issues. Thanks for good criticism especially. But also thank you for support when I sort of lose my juice.

    Cheers

    Source date (UTC): 2016-05-14 04:23:00 UTC

  • ( Diary.) As I continue to recover from my overwork/burnout on the product this

    ( Diary.)

    As I continue to recover from my overwork/burnout on the product this winter, I understand that here in Ukraine the vitamin D deficiency in winter, and the long dark, is actually harder on me than in Seattle. The food and culture are awesome. But, if I look at myself in winter photos, I’m dehydrated, tired, clearly not sleeping well. and I look in the mirror today and I look five years younger. Ukraine has been great for my health. It’s been great for my soul. But it’s not the improvement over (dreary, raining, dark) Seattle that I’d hoped. Sigh.

    Source date (UTC): 2016-05-12 09:37:00 UTC

  • Josh Jeppson (ALL) I figured out how to do it. I knew I would. Thank you for you

    Josh Jeppson (ALL)

    I figured out how to do it. I knew I would. Thank you for your aggressive persuasion. You were right. I could do it. I can do it.

    (Now I just have to live long enough to finish it. lol)

    Source date (UTC): 2016-05-09 04:25:00 UTC

  • (diary – self improvement) Talked to a female friend yesterday. Trying to find s

    (diary – self improvement)

    Talked to a female friend yesterday. Trying to find some way to improve myself – given fact that I definitely mollify, misdirect, or mislead people so that I have time to gather more information or solve an issue later on – because I have great comfort with my ability to obtain and make use of information, and solve problems later on, and less concern over their comfort with the lack of it, and more comfort with seizing opportunities at a discount rather than diverting resources at a premium. I have been doing this my whole career. Probably my whole life. I do not do it consciously. I do a lot of “just keep at it, I am still trying to figure out whats best, and there is no better thing to do than keep at it in the meantime.” This process of ‘keeping at it no matter what’ has been extremely successful for me in almost everything. But it has also been problematic and caused me issues. Or better said, it works when it works, but when it doesn’t work it’s often bad because there is no record of my thinking – which is why I try to over-communicate and create a record of my thinking. If I know a problem is solvable I will happily not solve it now, and instead seize an opportunity to solve it when it presents itself. This is one strategy I’ve advocated often: the Napoleonic Strategy: master the territory then seize opportunities, rather than create a plan and hope it works – plans are just ways of understanding the territory. Once you understand the territory you just seize opportunities. But as my partner Max and Jim have told me, this can be hard on others. You just sort of learn to trust each other’s strategies after a while, and each of you do what you’re good at. If you just take the moral high ground and try to do the right thing, then in the end, most everything works out. Not always. But mostly. HOWEVER, I am still stuck with acknowledging the fact that I definitely take discounts on communication and try to put people off because I just think they’re silly or stupid or wasting my time, or worried about trivialities. And I know this is my rather grandiose ego doing its thing: “please don’t be an idiot and bother me.” So I want to see if I can somehow figure out how to intervene in that subconscious process and take the time to explain to people why I am doing what I am doing. I just can’t imagine that I can change that behavior. But I have to try. I have this switch that is ‘be kind to people’, but it’s a ‘low cost’ to just humor them somehow. To actually take the time to explain all this stuff to people…. I just can’t imagine that’s possible unless I drastically reduce my problem set. “it will be fine. We don’t need to know or solve that right now. we can figure it out later. we can fix it later. just stay on mission for now. an opportunity to handle it will arrive and we’ll seize it.” I guess this goes along with the scientific method that I subconsciously process at all times: we never know, we only try. Anyway. I have clearly got to work on this issue. I can’t always treat people as children. It’s not really ‘fair’. And so I gotta learn a way around it.

    She says “Everyone does it”. And I think, yes, well everyone does it in what capacity? Mostly they do it to be kind or lazy. I do it out of arrogance in order to save myself effort.

    Source date (UTC): 2016-04-29 11:34:00 UTC

  • I saved Ascentium in the crisis with a Hail Mary play that should be the subject

    I saved Ascentium in the crisis with a Hail Mary play that should be the subject of grad school discussions. Amid cancer and divorce.

    But afterward, then the investors pulled out the cash and set us back to zero so that the company was broke again, betraying my agreements with Microsoft and the acquired party. It was then that I realized their intention had been to take control by forcing it under.

    I quit and worked a severance package that was in my favor.

    What is the rumor the gossips started? ( I know who they were) That I took the money myself somehow. ( emphasis on somehow ). I wish it was true. But you know, audited financial statements and tax returns put those kind of idiotic fantasies in the same camp as all other gossip.

    Now I always look at it from this perspective. Do you really think if I wanted to fuck people over, they would even know it? Seriously.

    Ask Sidney Golub. Ask Elliot Koenig. Ask Wayne Seminoff. I participated in ruining these people. Golub via the fbi/treasury. Koenig through a racketeering suit. Seminoff via the IRS. In fact. I was building a career out of infiltrating and reporting scumbags. And if I had been married to a less moral woman I would have continued that tradition of using tech to catch scumbags. It was fulfilling. It want economically rewarding. But it was fulfilling.

    So I returned to entrepreneurship. We did excel data. I did red-tech. I did DDI, then c-hub, then Ascentium.

    We operate on different wavelengths given our different levels of experience. But one has to remember that mastery of some niche is not transferrable to the broader sphere. Hence why it’s is always best to work with people with similar levels of experience. Hence why one should always assume one is naive and ignorant rather wise and cunning.

    Source date (UTC): 2016-04-28 09:12:00 UTC

  • ( diary) (flu and stress have been good to my waistline. almost ready for summer

    ( diary)

    (flu and stress have been good to my waistline. almost ready for summer. sad. lol )

    Source date (UTC): 2016-04-28 06:52:00 UTC

  • Why is it that these people think they are smarter than I am? You know. I can’t

    Why is it that these people think they are smarter than I am? You know. I can’t decide on how I feel about anything. Or anyone else for that matter. I cant even imagine what you’re thinking. But I promise, that in most other contexts, as long as I’m even paying attention, I am so far ahead of you that the concept of that delta is alien to you. But is that arrogant? Well, its just supported by evidence. And the contrary defense is that I am conscious of my blind spots and remind people of them all the time. Because they seem to think my ability translates into every area. It doesn’t. How do I know? Easy. If I think about it and it’s ‘blackness’ then I don’ t get it. If I think about it and my head fills with unstoppable layers movies that I choose from, then I do. Most people generate blackness. Almost all else doesn’t.

    Source date (UTC): 2016-04-26 14:37:00 UTC

  • Thinking: Well part of the reason it’s easier to understand me these days is tha

    Thinking: Well part of the reason it’s easier to understand me these days is that I’m dealing with less abstract concepts. Nobody liked the year I spent on truth. Everyone likes the year I spent on religion. 😉

    Source date (UTC): 2016-04-25 09:31:00 UTC

  • ( Just as I think I am done, I have a new insight)

    ( Just as I think I am done, I have a new insight)

    Source date (UTC): 2016-04-25 07:20:00 UTC

  • I have come to understand that like Einstein I am not really fit for the real wo

    I have come to understand that like Einstein I am not really fit for the real world. I can barely take care of myself. And for myself and those like me we no longer have military, monastic, civil, or manorial service to devote ourselves to in exchange for food, lodging. Have we made a catastrophic mistake? Why have we forced all into individualism instead of separated the individualistic from the collectivist? Why must we have either a communist or capitalist order? Must we have a monopoly social democratic order? If we arose under a mix of martial, burgher, and church orders, then why was that model a failure? It wasn’t. It wasn’t a failure. The middle class allied with the lower class against the church and nobility after the thirty years war and while deserving enfranchisement, demonstrated hubris in the displacement of church and state.

    Forcing man into the absolute nuclear family, forcing man to move to capital. Forcing man into monopoly social orders. All of this force is not that of the past that made us successful.

    I understand the need for a market for commons. But what shall we do with the equivalent of the manor, market, military, and monastery when the great leap of the industrial revolution has passed?

    Source date (UTC): 2016-04-21 07:43:00 UTC