Regarding Dating Single Moms:
Still seeing the social media fervor over single mothers rebelling against men not wanting to date or marry them. I understand both sides. But I can’t understand why women can’t understand it.
I’ve learned a lot because I have a bunch of ‘stepkids’ from the single mom’s I’ve dated (or married):
1) You will have to adapt to her life not her to yours.
2) You will always come in second after the kids.
3) You cannot discipline the children other than in their behavior toward you.
4) She will expect you to carry the financial weight of the kids despite this – and still use her money for her own purposes.
5) She will burden you with whatever trauma she has from her previous relationships. And often it will make you want to leave.
Why does this work – at least, for me:
1) Busy mom’s impose limited demands on me and my time are in my favor (as a workaholic).
2) I can get along with everyone easily so fitting into a household is easy – in fact I prefer a woman’s sovereignty in the home as long as I have my ‘peaceful’ place to reset, work, and think.
3) I can defer to her without impact on my ego as long as it is not a risk to me, cost to me, or disrespectful to me. (Never tolerate disrespect.)
4) I can support the kids or mom when one or the other gets out of hand – which always happens and makes me trusted by both.
5) I follow the same strategy in all relationships with women: figure out what makes them feel safe, and provide it. Conversely, figure out if they desire attention, and if so … Run.
6) I maintain walk away power – which must never be stated, but always preserved.
That’s why it works for me. I can’t see most men, who need the emotional connection, support, and respect (male version of validation), tolerating these conditions. When they are the optimum conditions for me.