Theme: Agency

WHAT DO MEN WANT FROM WOMEN

—“CURT: What do men want from women?”—

Emotional rewards, friendship, play, sex, affection, nesting-caretaking (feeding especially), family(his own tribe), long term security – since we accumulate much more damage in life.

Men have no care except sex until they marry you, and after that they have many many cares more than they evolved to care for. Women can track 1000 little things nearby and in the present. Men track a few things at a distance, and in the future. This is the difference between men and women. We specialize and women generalize. We think in drawers, one open at a time. Women think in a world of nearly uncontrollable interruptions.

You consider your emotional care for a man as ‘work’ or ‘cost’ but a man sees everything he does other than live with a few men in a cave, hunting, and playing with tools as a cost in order to obtain affection, care, sex, and the social status that his fellow men demand of him in exchange for trusting him.

Men are aware that the vast majority are evolutionarily disposable and the vast majority of women are not. We are aware that we conduct experiments against reality and women select us for sex affection and reproduction depending upon our success as individuals and members of a team (pack). We are also aware of our real chances – and that for the majority of us they are not that good. We are aware that the cost of specialization means men vary more in ability and desirability than women. And that means that many of us must take extraordinary risks and accumulate cellular damage in order to obtain access to any women and any reproduction and any care at all.

The testosterone that makes us different will eventually kill all men. It is a magical poison. A faustian bargain with the devil. We mature more slowly, we peak later, we accumulate more damage, and we die sooner. We know this. We are often very careful after 40 for this reason.

For these reasons men will seek to produce a diverse meritocratic order with as many opportunities to demonstrate success in climbing the dominance hierarchy as possible. This is why diversity increases crime, violence, and political tension: groups are demonstrably better and worse at climbing dominance hierarchies in the modern world. While we are wealthier, it is increasingly difficult for a man to earn enough of a living to support a woman and her children in exchange for sex and affection.

Explaining the world of emotions to us. Explaining the concerns of others to us. Giving us ideas of where and where not to apply our various kinds of ‘force’.

Acknowledgement that men’s need for sex is physical, on the scale of women’s need for security.

Understanding that ‘reminding’ is nagging, and nagging evolved so that women could train children. But every time you remind a man, it is the equivalent of him telling you that you’re ass is too fat to wear that dress. Every single time. We just suffer the insult more easily than you. But it is an insult and destructive every time. Men are not trained by reminding. They are trained by rewards.

It’s not that we don’t care it’s that we are color blind to the categories that you see, just as you are (and you can’t admit it or even recognize it) blind to what we see: politics as a proxy for violence with other men, so that our genes survive into the future in a condition better than they are in the present.

Think of many small ways to make your man successful. We are like dogs who will fetch a ball until we drop dead. But like wolves we respond (violently) to commands or guilt.

We are not substitutes for girlfriends, nesting helpers, older daughters, your mother or your sisters. We are men. We compete with other men to obtain the status necessary to make us attractive to women, who then care for us in exchange for provision and labor.

Limit your nesting urges to that which is productive not consumptive. Consumerism is just a different form of alcoholism. Limit your men’s play to that which provides returns for him and the family. Everything else is extending childhood. Do the same for your boys.

Men need fire gazing(daydreaming), watching the horizon for prey(watching sports), or chipping flints (playing with tools) the way women need to chat about nonsense with other women. We can’t function without them, but both can become addictions.

Making boys sit and be quiet like girls causes them brain damage that they will never recover from. Making them timit and non-aggressive does the same. Men compete in dominance hierarchies. By making life easy for you by creating a docile boy, you are crippling him for life. You want a man that sits around the house watching video games and television? blame his mother. His wife will blame you for the same. And after four generations your genes will be dispersed and gone. Why? Strong men defeat weak men, and weak men are made by weak women.

Demands upon men that are good: If you are slept, fed, dressed, and fucked you need to be getting enough exercise, competing with and cooperating with other men, and producing long term assets for the family. End of story.

Women have taken over the ‘easy’ jobs in society pushing men into higher competition roles, where it is harder to ‘integrate’ into the team, and it is harder for males who evolved to specialize, to integrate into teams. This means that there are decreasing chances for many men to find success.

We no longer work in groups where we insure one another as we did as laborers, craftsmen, in villages, in guilds, and in armies. every man is more vulnerable now than he has been in the past and is less ‘insured’ by his fellow men. His emotional stress is high but he doesn’t understand why.

So what these two things mean, is that men must feel that they can at least not fall down in the dominance hierarchy and therefore loose their ability to obtain sex, affection, and caretaking.

Generally speaking, whenever there is a surplus of men who feel this way a civilization will go through a civil war or collapse. Because it takes a very small percentage of males willint to disrupt the current order in order to overthrow it.

Men evolved to climb a dominance hierarchy, and women evolved to be attracted to the highest point on that hierarchy that they can obtain control over their reproduction and provision, and entertainment from.

Men are absurdly simple creatures. We just can’t see, hear, smell, intuit, feel or think all the subtleties about humans that women can, and so we have more time to devote to learning how the physical world works, and specializing in it, and competing by our understanding and use of it.

Curt Doolittle