Source: Facebook

(humor)

My extended family consists almost entirely of women. (It’s ok. I survive. Barely. ) And so, out of self-defense from an overabundance of male-suppressing estrogen, I have developed a set of techniques for counter signaling the natural impulses of female dominance expression. My favorites being:

(I never get any of these out of my mouth without laughing.)

“Don’t you worry your pretty little head.” (my favorite answer to “did you, or will you, or can you?”)

“You’re an excellent [toy, source of amusement, test subject].” (my next most favorite).

“I said that just to keep you busy fussing about that rather than create something else to fuss about that requires some of my attention.”

“Of course, you’re always right, and that’s why I always obey without question.” or “I don’t obey well, I was raised poorly.”

“I dunno. I must have missed that amidst the nonsense hurricane.”

“Of course, you’re my [mother, sister, daughter, family], it’s genetic, so I can’t help myself.”

“I’m my mother’s son. Blame her.”

“Oh. Sorry. Was that my outside voice?”

“Yes, you make an excellent [serving wench, scullery maid, barmaid] too.”

“No, of course I wasn’t listening, I was doing something important.”

“My [coffee, water, cola] is empty. (show empty glass, raise eyebrows) you’re falling down on your job.”

“It hasn’t been [8, 24, 36, 48] hours since you asked me, it’s too early to do it. You aren’t frustrated enough yet. I have to buffer these things or you’ll get the wrong idea.”

“I love your [or ‘of course I love you’], you’re perfect – well, as perfect as can be expected.”

“Oh sorry, did I say something true again?” or “Humility is just another form of dishonesty You wouldn’t want me to do that.”

“Sorry. Just trying to keep your ego in check. You’re welcome. You can thank me later.”