Form: Short Note

CULTURAL OBSERVATIONS : COMPLIMENTS

You know, in the States, if you’re meeting some couple for dinner, it’s pretty much conventional to say “you look beautiful” or make some other compliment about the woman’s appearance or dress. At least, that’s how I was raised in New England. My sisters and mother beat into me the idea that you say something nice about a woman whenever possible.

So last night I say to a woman here in Kiev, “You look beautiful”. To which she replies “I always look beautiful.” As if I was implying that tonight was a rarity.

Now, Veronika has tried to explain this to me as a Ukrainian thing – its not just her. But I think most women I talk to here are just polite to me. I’m a crazy american after all. And I have that reputation here.

Strangely, almost anything you say to a Ukrainian woman in complimentary form will not be just accepted as nicety, but often turned around into a perceived insult. I understand it’s just a means of preserving independence. And the women here are amazingly independent: they have to be.

They also are pretty much aware that they’re the most amazing and beautiful women in the world, and so they hear a compliment differently. It’s like saying the sky is blue or something obvious of that nature.

I don’t have a lot of insight to provide on this topic. Or, I don’t feel like getting all analytical over it. But it’s just one of those cultural things that’s fascinating: metaphysical value judgements that create the judgmental context for all communications.

Humans are fascinating. 🙂

🙂