Curt Doolittle

Form: Humor

  • (Humor) (little old lady trying to get attention. giving me smack by mumbling ri

    (Humor)

    (little old lady trying to get attention. giving me smack by mumbling ridicule under her breath.)

    Me: “Don’t start anything I have to finish. It always ends in tears.” (One of her favorite phrases during our childhood. It exasperates her when we quote from her parental phrase book on her.)

    Her: “You and what army?”

    Me: “Just me. An army of one. My name is legion and I’m many.”

    Her: “Your name is wus. You’ve got nothing.”

    Me: (laughing)

    It’s ten minutes later and she’s still saying “wussy, wussy, woos” and “Don’t know what we’re gonna do with him, he’s a wussy, wussy wus”. “Too bad there’s no return policy.” Every now and then to distract me from working. lol Now it’s something about scotch tape, followed by giggles.

    Favorite trick. Let her ask me to do something inane like put a big pot away, and move it to odd places in the house over the next 48 hours until she’s exasperated. 😉

    You can outstubborn a cat if you have patience. 😉

    Source date (UTC): 2020-04-13 19:30:00 UTC

  • (humor) Soft background ambient sound playing through a bluetooth speaker while

    (humor)

    Soft background ambient sound playing through a bluetooth speaker while I make bacon and eggs for breakfast. I serve the little old lady at the island in the kitchen. Grab my coffee and laptop and leave to sit in the living room, finish morning comments and write.

    Her: “don’t leave me here with this thing, it’s creepy”

    Me: (scheming) Just press the button on top and it will go to sleep.

    Her: (absently) (presses volume up button)

    Me: (presses mute button on the laptop)

    Her: (goes back to her breakfast and reading news on her laptop)

    Me: (wait a few seconds) (press unmute on the laptop) (music restarts softly)

    Her: (absently) (reaches over, looks at the speaker, finds the “off” button, but it’s really ‘volume up’ button. presses it.)

    Me: (presses mute button on the laptop)

    Her: (goes back to her breakfast and reading news on her laptop)

    Me: (wait a few seconds) (press unmute on the laptop) (music restarts softly)

    Her: (absently) (reaches over, looks at the speaker, finds the button. pauses a second) “Oh. For god’s sake. Go to hell.”

    Me: (chuckling uncontrollably).

    See. Retaliation cycles in everything. 😉 lol

    Source date (UTC): 2020-04-12 08:07:00 UTC

  • It’s morning. So now I must try to find where the little old lady hid my coffee

    It’s morning. So now I must try to find where the little old lady hid my coffee cup, and if she ate all the muffins. I suspect she ate all the muffins in the night. Little old ladies are sneaky. … She’s always creating trouble. 😉

    Source date (UTC): 2020-04-12 06:55:00 UTC

  • “You’re still online?”— My laptop is online. i was happily sleeping. 😉 It is l

    —“You’re still online?”—

    My laptop is online. i was happily sleeping. 😉

    It is like a young boy. If it doesn’t have the internet it asks for snacks and gets into trouble when I’m not watching.

    😉

    Source date (UTC): 2020-04-12 06:33:00 UTC

  • “Curt Doolittle; You always make these posts too long.”—Jason My posts are lik

    —“Curt Doolittle; You always make these posts too long.”—Jason

    My posts are like sex – as long as it takes to get there. 😉

    Source date (UTC): 2020-04-11 22:18:00 UTC

  • (humor) by Will Benge The propertarian seminary for the new priestly class would

    (humor)

    by Will Benge

    The propertarian seminary for the new priestly class would, of course, have to be conducted by torchlight in the winery caves of Lyons, and smuggled-in barrels of every expensive spirit of the world, after being emptied of their contents, of course, totally ingested, would be placed on their side for proper seating.

    But in the evenings, or so the Sheriff’s report goes, the townsfolk would be awoke by verbose arguing, loud ruckus, “no, that’s not right,” some scuffling, “i’ll tear you to pieces,” followed by laughter, which carries on all night.

    During the day, I mean afternoons, everyone’d recognize these privileged students first from their trained professional stagger; step step very long pause (regain balance) step (smile so proudly) step step.

    …. Emerges from the grocery store, leaning over cart. Door-slam rocks the car….

    Alarmed senior citizen. “But, but…should he be driving?”

    Source date (UTC): 2020-04-11 14:46:00 UTC

  • Or… “Women with tattoos are more likely to make other poor short term judgemen

    Or… “Women with tattoos are more likely to make other poor short term judgements.”

    Tattoos invoke my disgust response. I look for purple hair and artsy girls myself. (humor) 😉 https://twitter.com/DegenRolf/status/1248493879776530432

  • (humor) staring at my screen. typing. absently reach for my coffee cup. not ther

    (humor)
    staring at my screen. typing. absently reach for my coffee cup. not there. look and it’s not there. look at the other end table. not there. look next to the monitor. not there. … break my concentration. little old lady has a big smile. search within I her reach. Co…

    Source date (UTC): 2020-04-09 15:02:30 UTC

    Original post: https://twitter.com/i/web/status/1248265034226114560

  • (humor) staring at my screen. typing. absently reach for my coffee cup. not ther

    (humor)

    staring at my screen. typing. absently reach for my coffee cup. not there. look and it’s not there. look at the other end table. not there. look next to the monitor. not there. … break my concentration. little old lady has a big smile. I search within her reach. Coffee cup is under her armchair. I grab it. She cackles. … I mean I’m over 55, does her teasing me like this qualify as elder abuse?

    Source date (UTC): 2020-04-09 11:02:00 UTC

  • (humor) Me. Standing Desk. Laptop. Editing podcast. Silent. Second screen: some

    (humor)

    Me. Standing Desk. Laptop. Editing podcast. Silent. Second screen: some horror movie.

    Little old lady: (walks by) “How can you watch that stuff and still sleep at night?”

    Me: “It’s educational. So when the monsters come for you I know how to stop them. I’m always learning something new!”

    Her: (eye roll)

    Me: (later) tape a note to the front door: “Dear monsters. The door is unlocked. Mom is thick and juicy. But be quiet – the neighbors will hear. – Curt.”

    Me: (later) “Mom. It’s OK. I set a trap”

    Little old lady: “What are you talking about?”

    Me: (laugher)(wondering what I did will bug her all day long.)

    (I go back to work. Time passes.)

    Little old lady: (Kitchen. Slides my note across the table. Stares at me.)

    Me: “You ruined my trap!”

    Little old lady: “I was the bait.”

    Me: “Yes but I probably would have stopped them before they ate you.” (Deadpan)

    Me: needing my inhaler from laughing so hard.

    Source date (UTC): 2020-04-07 18:58:00 UTC