Category: Personal Reflections and Diary

—“WHAT WERE YOU LIKE AT 20?”—

When I was 20? I don’t know if I can answer truthfully I was in college, I had a hot girlfriend I was crazy about, had good friends, was doing ok art, had not much money but enough, and was otherwise pretty happy as far as I know. I had the same sensibilities. but like most aspies my mind was still forming and in retrospect that’s how I see that period. In my mind I was not very different from today. But that’s probably just my mind playing tricks on me.

I think 22 sucked after breaking up with my girlfriend, and it ruined my college experience also. So I threw myself into business and women and it worked out after a bit. But I had a bit of personal confusion in there for a bit.

I made a couple of mistakes. First was not transferring to philosophy, and second putting too much investment into my girlfriend. Third was I was just too tired all the time….. If I could do it over I would take out more loans and work follow my interest in argument and philosophy. The problem is wouldn’t have ended up where I have with all this amazing life experience having done so much amazing crazy stuff.

TRUTH: While I had the benefit of being more than a little good looking, and a lot of confidence, I had a very hard time as a high functioning aspie and I used girlfriends (devotedly) to build my social circle, and to some degree to keep me attached to civil reality. I have continued to do this throughout my life. This was a mistake. Most of the men I respect avoid ‘entanglements’ and build assets and that was my original disposition. I should have stayed with it. In other words, women are extremely expensive and a poor return until after you accumulate assets. So rent rather than buy the merchandise.

The problem is your testosterone misleads you as much as estrogen misleads women.