SPEAKING OF BOWDEN
Bowden had a nervous breakdown (which is the outcome of stress and depression). Your brain basically gives up trying to solve whatever problem is bothering you and just disassociates from reality in order to save itself. Which is kinda cool when you think about it: Sort of the human version of a computer crashing and rebooting.
—“Mental breakdown (also known as a nervous breakdown) is a general term for an acute, time-limited psychiatric disorder that manifests primarily as severe stress-induced depression, anxiety, or dissociation in a previously functional individual, to the extent that they are no longer able to function on a day-to-day basis until the disorder is resolved. A nervous breakdown is defined by its temporary nature, and often closely tied to psychological burnout, severe overwork, sleep deprivation, and similar stressors, which may combine to temporarily overwhelm an individual with otherwise sound mental functions.”—
I had a roommate have a breakdown in College – I think due to a relationship failure. I’m not sure. Also possibly due to rather egregious consumption of alcohol and LSD. I mean, i watched him eat three SHEETS of blotter acid at a club in Westchester. Obviously I immediately found another way home… lol We didn’t see him for at least three days I think. (I am not into drugs.)
I try to relate to the experience. I developed terrible panic attacks in my mid 20’s and it took a long time to figure out that it was caused by sleep deprivation from sleep apnea created by my food allergies. (I still have to be careful about allergens keeping me awake all night.) And I was very scared that something was seriously wrong with me at the time, and that affected my behavior significantly.
There was this ridiculous desire of the psychological profession to attribute it to my abusive childhood. Which I had overcome largely by the time I was in college, and certainly by my mid twenties. But it turned out that I was sucking on adrenaline all night to stay in a state of half-sleep but never really resting. (I sleep with a plastic bite guard type thing that eliminates the problem assuming my weight doesn’t get out of hand.) And you know, sleep deprivation sucks. It causes visual and auditory interference. (It didn’t help that I was working like crazy). You can’t think straight at all, and out of nowhere you go from feeling ok, to tragically exhausted in an instant.
So I can understand what it’s probably like for your entire mind and body to lose it for a bit. I know the feeling of wanting a vacation because my autistic OCD sort of does that to me regularly.
Anyway, my roommate called me from the hospital having obviously mostly recovered already. “Curt, these people are crazier than I am! They keep asking me if I think I’m Jesus Christ! Please get me out of here!” His parents had sent him in after he was no longer being logical (although I didn’t think he was illogical – he was talking about harmonies on violins, so he must have been acting out of character during the conversation – a behavior which I had seen start to develop despite having moved out and in with my girlfriend by then.)
I actually felt closer to ‘crazy’ when I got the cancer diagnosis. I just fell into depression and confusion for a long time. Everyone I know does to some degree. But we soldier onward. 🙂
Anyway, my tragedies in life, other than my divorce, are all largely health related. In my view, I seem to accumulate trauma with each tragic event, and it adds some kind of mental weight that you have to drag around like Marley’s chains. But on the other hand each tragedy has given me CLARITY as to what is more important in life. And while I wish I learned that lesson without the tragedy and trauma, I am still happy to learn what is important in life:
Friends, Family, Something Interesting To Do, A safe place to do what you want, and the Health and Resources to afford them.
What isn’t important in life, is things. Which was hard for me to ‘get’. Signals being powerful influences upon us.
Source date (UTC): 2015-12-23 05:36:00 UTC