Mar 26, 2020, 7:07 PM
…You’re young, travelling the world, by plane, train, car, foot, and don’t know yet that you’re autistic, and the informational overload produces a high – until it doesn’t. And you simply can’t take it anymore, and need to be still and quiet. And your significant other is all full of go go go and your brain is mush. You don’t know where you are. What day it is. What time it is. Where your luggage is. But you go with her anyway. And what little ‘you’ exists in normal circumstances dissipates into a veil, then a whisp, then disappears, your inner voice disappears, your emotions disappear, your wants disappear, your thoughts disappear, your agency disappears, and you do nothing but absorb experience and information without processing it, feeling it, or judging it, just recording it and riding on overdose – but having habituated a lifetime of acting normal your autopilot goes thru the motions, including dinner, chit chat with friends, making idle conversation. And you sleep for twelve hours and repeat the process.