I’m envious of the guys who are great husbands, fathers, friends, and providers

I’m envious of the guys who are great husbands, fathers, friends, and providers who don’t get involved in selfish nonsense like philosophy, politics, public anything, and other self gratifying obsessions. I mean, I wish I could be one of them. I would be suicidal if I tried. I have to feed the merciless dopamine seeking machine in my head with information, competition, and whatever else it needs to keep busy enough to leave me alone. But when I see those family pictures, I see the same thing other people do when they look at athletes, musicians, entrepreneurs and politicians. I see what is beyond my ability to obtain. And while it used to make me sad, I understand that each of us moves humanity forward in our own ways, and we are not able to or meant to be equal in this world. It takes each of us to fill each possible niche. So I content myself with respecting and admiring those that have done what I have not and cannot seem to do no matter how hard I try.