WITH A WIFE WHO IS A HOARDER IS A CRUSHING BATTLE THAT YOU WILL EVENTUALLY LOSE

http://www.psmag.com/health/hoarding-science-55196/LIVING WITH A WIFE WHO IS A HOARDER IS A CRUSHING BATTLE THAT YOU WILL EVENTUALLY LOSE

I lasted 17 years. But the eventual understanding that no matter how much money I made, it wouldn’t matter, and when she had a child, her nesting behavior, and the natural tiredness that comes from caring for young children amplified her hoarding behavior, and life became unbearable. I could not survive in that environment.

Her apartment, when I met her, was piled floor to ceiling with papers and magazines, and junk. What’s fascinating to me is that she actually knows the contents of every box, pile, and drawer. I mean, to some degree, I’m envious of that kind of recall. Until of course, you realize that without those real-world indexes, that the hoarder cannot recall anything. And that this is one of the things that causes their behavior.

We didn’t understand ‘hoarding’ as a compulsive behavior when we met. We just assumed it was harmless and silly. And I thought I could live with it, and control it. And I managed to contain it to ‘her’ one room – a studio. But when we had the baby, that studio became the baby’s room, and there were no boundaries.

Not that I’m a piece of cake either. I mean, can you imagine living with me? Women seem to love it. But I think it’s just because I’m an uncontrollable catnip toy that doesn’t ever become boring. It’s not because i’m easy. I’m not. When combined with my health problems it was more than I could bear.

I still love her to death and always will. And I miss her all the time. But living with that kind of thing is just unbearable. And its ruinous. And it’s incurable. And its tragic.