Category: Personal Reflections and Diary

  • (I’m sure you know by now but it’s been found, and no kids had the joy of asking

    (I’m sure you know by now but it’s been found, and no kids had the joy of asking dad to start up the tractor and put it in the barn.) πŸ˜‰


    Source date (UTC): 2023-09-18 23:34:25 UTC

    Original post: https://twitter.com/i/web/status/1703915408665837762

    Reply addressees: @MatthewParrott

    Replying to: https://twitter.com/i/web/status/1703881209724514623

  • When I get through with these remaining legal issues and such I’m gonna come up

    When I get through with these remaining legal issues and such I’m gonna come up there and visit. Then you can’t get away from me. πŸ˜‰ -hugs


    Source date (UTC): 2023-09-18 01:33:09 UTC

    Original post: https://twitter.com/i/web/status/1703582903513309588

    Reply addressees: @JFGariepy @JohnSeb68347289

    Replying to: https://twitter.com/i/web/status/1703517874126475762

  • Hmmm… including the naughty, juicy, absurd, questionably legal, and only legal

    Hmmm… including the naughty, juicy, absurd, questionably legal, and only legal ’cause the USG said so bits? πŸ˜‰ Dunno. Maybe posthumously πŸ˜‰


    Source date (UTC): 2023-09-17 18:14:36 UTC

    Original post: https://twitter.com/i/web/status/1703472537076670811

    Reply addressees: @NoahRevoy

    Replying to: https://twitter.com/i/web/status/1703414445911765263

  • I always enjoy @JFGariepy and part of it’s just that I personally like him a gre

    I always enjoy @JFGariepy and part of it’s just that I personally like him a great deal. πŸ˜‰ Not sure he’s interested in having me on again, but I’d show. πŸ˜‰


    Source date (UTC): 2023-09-17 18:03:10 UTC

    Original post: https://twitter.com/i/web/status/1703469660656508953

    Reply addressees: @JohnSeb68347289 @JFGariepy

    Replying to: https://twitter.com/i/web/status/1703468010537992246

  • (Diary) Very strange evening. I live in a small town of only a few thousand peop

    (Diary)
    Very strange evening.

    I live in a small town of only a few thousand people. Most working class. (And I love working class people).

    I need to finish this document for Court on Monday. Rather, I needed to finish it for Friday but couldn’t do it. Short notice to start with. Tech problems making it worse. And of course, under stress, ADHD problems abound.

    I need white noise to work on anything written of substance and overcome the ADHD. So I drive to a local cafe and get most of the way done, then my battery dies. So I drive down the street, there isn’t much in the way of shops in town, so I run in to the dollar store and luckily they have a ten foot lightning cable.

    Next I drive to local restaurant, pub. I need power so I take a table for four in the corner near an outlet, and tell the staff that I’ll move if they need the table, but otherwise I’ll move to the bar when my iPad is charged. (Yes I’m writing on an iPad Pro because I dropped my laptop on it’s head.)

    I’m not hungry at all, but I need to rent the table so to speak to pay my way. and so I order nachos without cheeze – meaning just chips, and sour cream and salsa to dip them in, and a Corona to drink. I can then nurse this combination for a couple of hours. And Coronas don’t provoke my allergies, so other than Jack Daniels that’s charcoal filtered, and also doesn’t provoke them either, that’s the total range of my alcohol pallette unless I swallow unhealthy amounts of antihistamines.

    Shorlty after I get settled, the barmaid who I’ve gotten to know a bit, tells me to come sit at the end of the bar and she’ll plug my adapter in. And I’m thankful. Partly because I know she’ll chit chat with me. And that means I get to take a break and not get too caught up in the work.

    So I sit down at the end of the bar, next to the wall, and start working – and after twenty minutes or so I’m getting to the last part of the argument that suggests the mutually beneficial remedies so to speak, before I have to add the signature page and, then write a Motion to Continue because I’m not going to be mentally ready, have my witnesses and such, and the Judge won’t have time to read this missive and think about it before court in the moring – which is scheduled for online.

    I don’t like online court AT ALL. I havent done the research on it but it’s quite evident to me given the few cases I’ve worked, that decorum and communication is dampend and conflict accelerated in the online forum.

    Thankfully I have a legitimate excuse that my laptops are busted and waiting for repair, and I can’t suffer the court on an iPad or iPhone, and would feel at a disadvantage.

    Anyway. I meet a pair of couples all in their 50s that have sold their construction business. I do my thing and learn their life stories. And the four of them are a lot of fun. Especially the two men willing to talk smack to one another. They guy nearest me is hooked in with some VCs and is pushing me for leads so I take his contact info and add it to my list of others.

    Next couple is an incredibly fit mid 40s electrician and his wife of four years that’s a realtor. He’s a hard 8 easily, and she scored. But of course she’s a handful and smart. So conversation is good. I get the contact info because she’s with Coldwell real estate.

    Then I work for about an hour, and at this point I’m mostly making sure I’ve made sense, was clear, and didn’t repeat myself (which I am want to do).

    And this guy walks up and offers me fifty bucks to call him an Uber, because his car broke down. Why he can’t use the phone in his hand of course is suspicious but I’m charitable and I try.
    While I’m re-downloading and setting up my phone and trying to log into my Uber account I ask him a series of questions, including name, occupation, how he feels about it, why he’s so stressed (in divorce), and he’s a cardiac nurse in a local hospital – and he’s not lying because some of the details are too accurate.

    Unfortunately my phone is new, I haven’t used it to call Uber, and I’m switching carriers now that I actually need a phone (recovering from covid I didn’t). So I only have my international number and Uber won’t take it. He walks outside to make some calls.

    I’m feeling that no good deed goes unpunished. But I want this guy to dissapear by now. So, next I try the cab company and they don’t answer. Next I try the local police routine calls number because I know they will solve this problem – and if this guy goes off, I am out of the loop. And they don’t answer. And next the young woman next to me calls the town next door’s dispatch and it turns out they’re who you call from our village. Great, I think. Off my hands off out of the risk of a man on the edge because of overwork, divorce, car breakdown, and unable to get home. I mean, he doesn’t have shoes on, just fliip flops. πŸ˜‰

    Anyway, when I tell this guy the police are coming to help him he goes from hyperstressed to agitated, and starts spiraling. At this point he offers me 200 cash to drive him to a town 30 minutes away. Well, not only am I not doing that, but I am not getting in a car with this guy because my dysfunction detector is now approaching the red zone, and given my current condition I don’t feel like trying to force this guy into submission anywhere, including my car. Next he insists with agitation and slightly suppressed panic, and so I tell him that I”m a good person and trying to help him but I’m not going to do it, so don’t ask me again.

    The cops show up, and surpirsingly take great care of him, call a family member, for him, and wait until that person picks him up. And then I spend the next ten or fiftten minutes with back and forth stories learning that not only are these cops great human beings, but they’re the kind of cops we all wish we ran into. This is also a strongly italian ara, especially in the police force, and I’m friends with a rather popular and retired cop from the deparment, so of course stories have to be told, compliments given, names exchanged, and hands shaken.

    So I run home contemplating this evening and thinking about all these good people I meet, and how horrific the internet and the media and entertainment, and all the talking classes are. And how dangerous is the collapse of prosocial behavior, especially in the younger generations. And the narrative they experience only confirms the propaganda and indoctrination, because they are so desocialized by other than that internet that they are effectively crippled socially, politically, and mentally.

    One of our missions at the instutute, now that we’re converting from R&D to activism, is running events that promote in-person relationship formation (Something I learned from the Mises Institute and the Property and Freedom Society), because even at our scale, every little bit helps.

    The Lesson Here?
    The upside of being confident and gregarious is that you make a lot of contacdts and easily make friends anywhere. And makingn a game of it is a lot of fun. Because it lets you see, and remember, that there are really alot of good people if you don’t want anything from them and are willing to give them positive attention and reinforcement.
    But there is also the downside to being kind, gregarious and confident enough to help others in distress when others won’t.
    Sometimes you are the victim of that distress. πŸ˜‰ And it’s all too often true that no good deed goes unpunished. Because that distress is often self inflicted. And self inflicted distress is often the result of wiring that is not well put together in those few pounds of grey matter etween our ears.

    Cheers. πŸ˜‰


    Source date (UTC): 2023-09-17 06:16:19 UTC

    Original post: https://twitter.com/i/web/status/1703291773357830144

  • Nick Land (@Outsideness) is one of my few personal heroes. We envy those who are

    Nick Land (@Outsideness) is one of my few personal heroes. We envy those who are most excellent at what we ourselves cannot do. So I would have to fawn over him like some starry eyed rock band groupie for a bit to exorcise my excitement before any serious conversation could take place. πŸ˜‰

    That aside, Nick and I operate at opposite ends of the spectrum of philosophical systems. I mean, nick is a F*** ing artist with language, meaning, subtleties, and richness of meaning. I do the philosophical equivalent of behavioral mathematics – it only vaguely looks like language. πŸ˜‰

    So as Plato vs Aristotle, so to speak, by technique alone, and presumption of human nature to color it, you will find us providing two perfectly rational opinions on nationalism et al, dependent mostly on what we believe can be and possible should be accomplished with the humans we have, and without those we wish we had.

    I suspect in the end, that the literary mind is suspicious of what humans can and should be persuaded to do – because that is the literary mind’s lever of man. While the legal mind is confident in what humans can and should be coerced into as long as it’s in their practical interests in every day life – because that is the legal mind’s lever of man.

    So the underlying difference between the literary and the legal mind is whether we must convince people by some rhetorical device to alter their behavior absent political power to coerce, or whether we can obtain political power by legal force, or physical force and like our predecessors impose those laws – as long as they are moral laws, and in their interests.

    I would love to have that discussion (not debate) with Nick.

    And I think it would result in a useful public service. πŸ˜‰

    Cheers
    Curt

    Reply addressees: @Lord__Sousa @scottmannion @Outsideness


    Source date (UTC): 2023-09-17 00:56:13 UTC

    Original post: https://twitter.com/i/web/status/1703211220818370560

    Replying to: https://twitter.com/i/web/status/1703195175592264077

  • I resist growing up at every opportunity. But I did play the game. Does that cou

    I resist growing up at every opportunity. But I did play the game. Does that count? πŸ˜‰


    Source date (UTC): 2023-09-15 13:18:48 UTC

    Original post: https://twitter.com/i/web/status/1702673318942220492

    Reply addressees: @whatifalthist

    Replying to: https://twitter.com/i/web/status/1702431701014868042

  • The connection is subtle. Mostly my joy at once again being able to play silly g

    The connection is subtle.
    Mostly my joy at once again being able to play silly games with humans without struggling to wonder if I have the energy and I’m going to be around next month. πŸ˜‰


    Source date (UTC): 2023-09-15 05:17:53 UTC

    Original post: https://twitter.com/i/web/status/1702552294108099010

    Reply addressees: @JarradDanielLee

    Replying to: https://twitter.com/i/web/status/1702547680193290712

  • Q: CURT: (Health) “Was there anything that led to a breakthrough?” Just ’cause y

    Q: CURT: (Health) “Was there anything that led to a breakthrough?”

    Just ’cause you asked, and just cause I’m feeling hypersocial and and relaxed at the moment…. I’ll overshare in the hopes someone finds something personally useful:

    Problem: Genetic defect > Allergies > Aspieness > Cancer and busted immune system (twice)> vulnerability to respiratory infections both head and chest > Gradual exhaustion and decline without recovery > tendency to obsessively overwork and cause vulnerability to all the above until crashing. By March 2023 I couldn’t walk more than half a block. I was sleeping all but four to six hours a day.

    There was no ‘breakthrough’ as much as Dr’s Brad, Nichols, and Miller just worked with me a little at a time over two and a half years, to incrementally fix each problem until the sum of the fixes got me to the point where I was healthy enough that could finally change aspie-nerd meds and feel like myself again. πŸ˜‰ Now I just gotta lose the 30lbs I gained between covid and this illness. And then I’ll do something stupid like take on more work than I can handle like decide I have time, energy, and attention for another startup (already sorta did) because I’m a biz junkie and I sorta miss my ferrari and have poor competitive self regulation like a dog that chases trucks and can’t help it. πŸ˜‰

    1 – Time? Mostly just sleep and time to get over long covid (I think) My immune system was just working overtime and wiping me out.

    2- Again, mostly diet and dramatically reducing allergic reaction which let me both sleep, breathe, and reduce all the stress. This was a far bigger problem than I understood. I’m cutting out bread right now as much as possible, and I need to stay as paleo as possible and carnivore when I can.

    3 – I had been running a 200/160 blood pressure for more than six months, and it was damaging my kidneys. So I had to give up coffee (fixes the adhd, ocd a bit). I also got a bit triggered and lit by a famlily legal issue and for some reason I couldn’t downregulate that stress (fury). You might have to realize how much I hate the irresponsibility and malfeasance of the government to grasp the depth of my anger.

    4 – I had (again, just as I did in seattle in 2008, and ukraine in 2016) multiple therapy resistant infections both fungal and bacterial. (And we’re still going to try the parasitic purge too.) The fungal is a genetic vulnerability and there is some relation to allergies, asthma, sun, and vitamin d. The bacterial (pneumonia) I fight all the time and have since my first cancer operation in 2001. That op, six hours on the table, did something not good to my respiratory system, or gave me a hospital bug we can’t fully cure. Worse, as my faculties declined I started to fear I wasn’t going to be able to complete my work on the law. This put me in a bit of a tailspin. But I kept working at it anyway- but progress was slow. And it made me even more exhausted to work for just two hours a day. I thank all my friends here and in real life for helping me through that mess.

    5 – A decent therapist that agreed that my ocd meds which pretty much fix my autism’s difficulty changing contexts, when combined with my age, was downregulating me enough that it needed replacing with a stimulant. I couldn’t try that until I had my blood pressure under control. Couldn’t get my blood pressure under control without changing blood pressure medications on the on hand and destressing myself from the litigation on the other. As well as stabilizing my immune system from both the allergies and infections. And then migrating from the calming OCD med to the stimulating ADHD med – a med I had tried in just before covid appeared. And while it was awesome I really didn’t like or trust the doctor enough to be dependent on him for my well being, and because I still assumed at that time I would want to return to europe and getting these ADHD med over there is all but impossible. So I didn’t want to get stuck on a prescription that would cause me problems, and stopped it.

    Anyway, long story short, I had to downregulate an immune system that was out of control and exhausting me constantly to the point where I wasn’t sure I was going to be around.

    Not sure anyone wants to read that, but hey. If it helps someone that’s great. It’s kinda nice to both get through this mess and get it off my chest in prose as well.

    Thanks for asking.
    Cheers

    Reply addressees: @VaxSideEffects


    Source date (UTC): 2023-09-15 05:17:17 UTC

    Original post: https://twitter.com/i/web/status/1702552144195227648

    Replying to: https://twitter.com/i/web/status/1702529571101286447

  • (humor) (experimenting on humans) Yesterday. Mall. Waiting. Overhear two tall fi

    (humor) (experimenting on humans)
    Yesterday. Mall. Waiting.
    Overhear two tall fit early twenties black guys talking about girls. (Ha! Opportunity calls.) I ask the shorter one: “You guys talking about one women are all women?” (they try to pretend neither cause it’s that kind of store.) I say to both “Don’t gimme that, I heard ya. … I mean, you gotta have good prospects? Right? (They laugh and squirm a bit.) To the one next to me, about five nine. “I’m a great wingman. I’ll talk you up. Help you out.” (that was the bait line. Then I quickly gesture to his friend who can’t be under six three, has a bit of afro fluff to exaggerate it more, has that lithe athletic physique, and face with the smile and eyes that says he owns it.) And I say. Yeah. Him? He doesn’t need my help or anyone elses. And they both break out in laughter and the guy in front of me starts talking smack about how he plows through women like a scythe.

    THE SCIENCE OF CLOWN WORLD
    I’m basically an a– clown running joy joy experiments on normies for fun as both intellectual interest, and enjoyment of life. The truth is, that most people can be at least interpersonally awsome. A little respect. A little compliment. A little attention. A little humor. And most people who aren’t bad people inside, are quite a bit of fun – when its in their context, and on their terms. πŸ˜‰

    (SECRETS)
    This why I loved Sales, Consulting and Intel. “Can I get this person to trust me, develop a relationship, and talk to me? Is there a grain of sand in his or her knowledge that fits into a constellation of other grains of knowledge that provides information I (others) can use – especially indirectly for leverage somewhere with someone?”

    It’s why I love ‘biz environment research’, ‘street research’ and ‘social media research’. Though I gotta tell you that working with politicians, bureaucrats, and the military is like trying to convince a conspiracy theory addict that chem trails are just water vapor.

    Meanwhile, if you’re say, an economic advisor to someone running for the house (I have tried twice) you quickly realize almost no one in the house is competent to balance a checkbook, and so thank god for the senior senators and the few safe long term house members that make this kindergarten look vaguely rational long enough that our infrequent glimpses behind the curtain don’t discover it’s all semi-intellectual punch-and-judy back there – except punch and judy spend most of their time arguing about fundaising, donors, and not causing special interest groups to conduct cancel campaigns. (it’s not really that bad, it just feels like it to me – hate it.)

    And then you’re at some party on a floating casino on the Dnipr river in summer while hired ‘models’ (5s and 6s, not hookers, just ‘atmosphere’), try to get you to socialize with others the sponsor has invited, and stuff drinks in you face. They know the guy so this is a normal part time gig for them. And you’re trying to make sure you remain sober enough that you can absently listen to the guy bragging about shipping stolen cars broken into parts to avoid import tarrifs, with some of them stuffed with drugs, and others small arms, then assembling the cars and selling them for cash, handing off the dope, and god knows what he does with the small arms, through the port of Odessa – or if it’s much of it’s even more than trivially true (I bet the dope isn’t. not paranoid enough, the right type, or behaving like he has the cash.). All while the guy next to me was an easy mark, and seems to be willing to talk about his past work observing the decommissioning of ukraininan nukes, and what they’ve learned about the sad condition of current russian nukes – none of which is useful. Or the other think tank guy from Denmark that’s been in country for ten years, and has amazing contacts, but considers making any progress here like waiting for water to boil – when it’s a whole lotta water and a very small flame. And this is while the guy who invited me is working too hard for scraps of my attention to establish camaraderie, because I am guessing he has an investment pitch to make, and I’m afraid if I engage I can’t lead him on successfuly enough to buy the time I want with his extended circles – mostly beause like every other pitch of heard in eastern europe, it’s not an investment that has any hope of a return, and instead is a permanent loan at no interest with questionable chance of repayment – and it’s almost impossible to get away once they smell green, and so I percieve him as a risk if I can’t make quick use. And he seems to have invited some other european expats a few young and ridiculous pretenders, and a couple far more questionable character than I, including one who sets off my creepy loser possibly pedophile alert, and one of whom, because he has a lot of experience with ukraine, crime, and deception, I am pretty sure isn’t fully buying my reputation as a wealthy tech guy opening a biz in Ukraine, and oddly ‘getting around’ faster than he did – but it could be just sizing me up or class envy, and i’m over-analyzing his behavior.

    Meanwhile, I mean, I’m a human male and my parts still work, and these girls are distracting my limbic system, testosterone and autism like a crow triggered by a shiny object long enough to get hit by a car and convert instantly to road kill. And the crowd, even in this ‘sunken living room special area’ of the club, with too much tacky red, combined with all the talking, and the lights and the music are causing my usual autistic pattern matching machine to grow frustrated enough to make me dizzy, while at the same time I’m trying to manage suppressing that effect with the perfect combination of not moving the around the place too much, sticking near the same people, sipping the martini at the right pace, making sure I haven’t lost my inhaler, or had my phone stolen. And this is going on before I tell you what my real objective with the these ridiculous shipping guys, because I’m not getting vibes I can get past this guy’s intuition without manufacturing a situation – and getting in his vicinity as a ‘bump’ (accident) isn’t easy.

    I honestly have no recollection of later in the night, other than trying to get back to my hotel before dawn despite having somehow lost my bodyuard. It might be because it was just a stream of sameness or boredom and I can’t recall, or it might be because I failed to self regulate the vodka martinis. And while I’ve been dosed before in a club in Russia (by the bartender to get us to leave) nothing similar happend in ukraine and I don’t remember the horrific feeling the day after.

    Anyway, I’m sitting in one of my favorite cafes a week or two later, and he walks in with two of his buddies and askes me to join them. (Very very common over there.) Accidents are as good as plans. πŸ˜‰ Bump successful.

    Lots more to this story. But I have dozens like it. And it’s been almost ten years, and distant enough that it’s ok to blab about.
    Or at least for the most part. πŸ˜‰

    I hope you got a giggle or laugh in theres somewhere.

    I’m just enjoying the fact that my faculties have returnd, and my writing is flowing from my fingertips like normal me again. I just hope I can write something serious over the next 24 hours instead of reminiscing about nonsense.

    Hugs


    Source date (UTC): 2023-09-15 04:41:03 UTC

    Original post: https://twitter.com/i/web/status/1702543024104820736