Category: Personal Reflections and Diary

(nonsense)
In the online RPG Elder Scrolls, there is a quest where you find a trash talking artifact called The Amulet of Ambition that constantly talks to the player, often in a sarcastic or self-absorbed manner, offering unsolicited advice or making humorous observations about your actions. The amulet embodies a mix of arrogance, self-importance, and snarky humor, frequently belittling enemies or mocking the player’s decisions.
I wanted to keep the thing because it was so entertaining. But quest completion unfortunately required it. Another option would be some one foot tall demon that did the same, and you could kick or hit when it overreached.
The prototype was Lilarcor’s brash and bloodthirsty persona from Bards Tale II. And then back to Stormbringer in Moorcock’s Elric series. Before that there are plenty of literary and mythical swords but as far as I know, while they have personalities they don’t talk.

Tyrfing (Norse Mythology):A cursed sword from Norse sagas, Tyrfing is forged by dwarves and enchanted to never miss a blow and always kill when drawn. While it doesn’t explicitly talk, its sentience and the way it shapes its wielder’s fate make it conceptually similar to later talking weapons.

Hrunting (Beowulf, c. 8th-11th Century):The sword Hrunting is gifted to Beowulf to fight Grendel’s mother. While not talking, it is described almost as a character in its own right, imbued with legendary qualities and a history that gives it a sense of presence akin to sentience.

Excalibur (Arthurian Legends):The legendary sword of King Arthur, while not traditionally depicted as “talking,” is tied to prophetic figures like Merlin and the Lady of the Lake. Some interpretations and retellings imbue Excalibur with mystical awareness or speech.

Flamberge (Rabelais’s Gargantua and Pantagruel, 1532-1564):A magical sword associated with giants. While it does not explicitly talk, its larger-than-life, legendary status lends it a distinct “voice” in the narrative.

Swords in Pulp Fiction and Early Fantasy (1920s-1950s):Many pulp stories featured magical, intelligent weapons. Writers like Robert E. Howard (Conan the Barbarian) and C.L. Moore (Jirel of Joiry) hinted at sentient swords, though explicit “talking” examples were rare.

Swords in The Faerie Queene by Edmund Spenser (1590):Magical swords, such as those wielded by Redcrosse Knight, are described with vivid personalities and mystical attributes. These don’t talk directly, but they serve as active agents in the narrative.

The Sword Kladenets (Russian Folklore):A magical sword that speaks to its wielder or reveals its powers through cryptic advice. It’s less characterized than Stormbringer, but its sentience prefigures Moorcock’s creation.

Swords in The Sword in the Stone by T.H. White (1938):The enchanted sword pulled from the stone by young Arthur is sometimes depicted with mystical, near-sentient qualities in White’s whimsical adaptation of Arthurian legend.

–“You’re objectionably northern.”– Jimmy Carr

(To an audience member clearly from Newcastle. … only because I have a friend of many years whom I still can’t quite understand at times.)

–“You’re objectionably northern.”– Jimmy Carr

(To an audience member clearly from Newcastle. … only because I have a friend of many years whom I still can’t quite understand at times.)

(humor)
The only time I have been truly terrified is when Veronika threatened to collect all my exes in a room together to share stories. 😉