(Diary)
Making Friends Is Easy
Every time I relocate around the world I need to recreate a friend network. Prosociality and all that nonsense. 😉 And moving back to the northwest has repeated the process – a process that was extremely difficult in rural New England, especially after the ease of Moscow, Kiev, and L’viv.
But the more you develop the system of making friends, the more you develop a sensitivity to whom you want to.
Of course, it’s much easier with fellow execs, business people, tech folks, intellectuals and artists. But the same is often true of people who’ve born life’s responsibilities with at least moderate success. It gives them a self confidence that suppresses the neuroticism that drives most people to undesirable behavior.
In general all my close friends are hyper-moral, somewhat humble, limited in need for attention from others, and interested in human nature or the intersection of human nature with tech, economics, or politics and geostrategy. I’m actually ‘allergic’ to the majority of immoral peers for whom cunning has replaced ethics.
On the other hand my female friends tend to be interested in the intersection of human nature and marriage, family, relationships, and if I am lucky, the arts or even better fine arts. (I’ve been lucky twice in two long term relationships with women in the fine arts.) The arts are where sociology, psychology, and ideas meet in a language that women find natural to them.
The Secret: Don’t want anything other than seeking to understand the other person, sufficiently to find some way to improve his or her quality of life – even if its simply through attention, recognition, and reinforcement. And speak the truth and only the truth.
I’ve built a number of new friends here already and one of whom I sure will be life-long. I also contacted three of my female friends with whom I’ve built a familial relationship of mutual consideration and care. Men and women can be friends. As long as there is no physical attraction, only friendship. Something that’s never been a problem for me, but I can’t attest to the challenge faced by others. So I touch base with these women I respect – and who I can count on for a woman’s advice when needed (which I find priceless).
And I realize, perhaps near death experiences may cause a radical change in valence, but I value my friends, especially my female friends and exes, and am thankful daily for having shared some of this precious life with them.
Hopefully this encourages someone to consider something useful. 😉
Cheers
CD