Category: Personal Reflections and Diary

I should thank my long term college girlfriend Chris Cushing Mallory (NY,NY) for making me feel so bad about my interest in games that I abandoned them altogether and focused upon technology, business, philosophy and politics. I could just have as easily become the author of more computer games as a philosopher or businessman. Her disapproval forced me to engage with people and solve real problems. Games did positively affect me because they require systems thinking. Programming did affect me because it requires operational construction. Artificial intelligence did affect me because it requires you grasp the problem of informational scarcity, incentives and decidability. Business did affect me because (lacking a bit of empathy) I had to learn how to identify and solve incentives. That lead me to Hayek and Popper. While I was working very hard on AI in 1982-1990, and by late 90’s I understood the importance of property in creating an intelligence, I didn’t realize how close I was at the time (using emotions as incentives), I probably could have made something of it if in a laboratory or academic setting where I had more time to devote to it. I am still much happier with my current avocation than with any that I would have contributed to AI. One thing that I have come to realize is that working alone, as an autistic, unaware of the vast differences between myself and others (despite my slower pace), my mother’s catholic humility (which others would deny I possess a drop of) was an inhibitor to me almost as much as my college poverty was. I couldn’t decide if there was something wrong with me, or with my teachers and professors – because I had a great deal of reading behind me and something ‘didn’t fit’. Turns out it was my teachers and professors – or rather, all teachers and professors of that era. Had I possessed less humility, then arrogance may have carried me through. (again, I was considered profoundly arrogant most of my life – so perhaps not.) Conversely, I am certain that I would not be here, doing what I am, if I had succeeded in some other endeavor. But, what has occurred is that my professional career was a necessary learning experience even if it was a distraction from the central purpose I set myself to at the age of twelve. Today I don’t lack clarity, and I don’t require arrogance. I know that mission, I am happy with it. The gods work their ways on us. 😉

Read Aurelius. Write a diary. Analyze your life past and life future. It is very hard to lie to yourself in writing. Especially if you must re-read your words later. So, a diary it is a form of prayer. A confession before your god. So, Know Thyself. Craft yourself. Die fulfilled. Leave the world better for having lived in it. Life is an apple. Take big bites. Moderation is for monks.