Category: Personal Reflections and Diary

(aspie diary)

( Maybe it’s the kind of autism I have, or where it’s localized, but I’ve been taking prescriptions for it since ’91 or so, and I’m basically rewired by now to depend upon it. And I don’t understand people’s complaints. I also have to take thyroid hormones because I don’t have a thyroid, and I have to take blood pressure pills, and my backpack looks like a pharmacy because of all the allergy and asthma-related stuff I carry with me. But I don’t consider these medicines any different than making sure I get red meat three times a week, and eat green vegetables, or get off my rear and walk a little bit each day. But modern medicine made a difficult youth and challenging early adulthood into a much more tolerable maturity. I suspect that for most people they want to hold onto an existing mental frame and not let themselves adapt to the new frame. Perhaps it takes a certain character to deal with introspective uncertainty and chaos for long enough to adapt. I remember what it used to be like, and it would focus like hell on one thing or the other, and I just couldn’t switch gears at all without a struggle. I still have ways of talking myself out of autistic state and into engaged-state. I just don’t have to use them unless I am very stressed or very tired. I watch Mr Robot and it’s not strange to me. I don’t have his schizophrenic traits but the behavioral tendency to live entirely in your head is what I had to train myself out of. And it was so hard that in retrospect I cant believe it. But you know why I paid that high cost? Access to females. Women were my incentive to fight the autistic fight. And it largely worked – albeit, there is certain kind of woman that finds me attractive or interesting, and they often share similar quirks. )