Category: Human Behavior and Cognitive Science

MEN, WOMEN, FRIENDSHIPS, OPPORTUNITIES, AND DISCOUNTS

Men tend to have a larger number of looser friendships, and women a small number of deeper friendships.

This is partly because of how we judge each other – women need psychological similarity whereas men need utilitarian similarity.

It is also a matter of what we do with friends. And what we need friends for. Women put men in the friend zone for certain reasons: capital extraction. (discounts).

Men put women in the friend zone for three reasons: long options on sex, long options on her associations, long options on her emotional support (as a psychologist).

And men put men in the friend zone for lots of reasons: the safety of the pack. assistance in self improvement. Options on opportunities. And someone to imitate or learn one or more skills from.

Now also, men have many strategies available to us: research information to create opportunities. Create relationships and collect and exchange information to identify opportunities. Organize in pursuit of opportunities. Produce and opportunistically seize identifiable opportunities. Produce consistently independent of possible opportunities. Produce as little, consume as little, and relax as much as possible. These strategies depend upon our natural abilities. (this is probably something that doesn’t occur to people)

I would say that if you mean that we should be cautious with others rent-seeking and discounting, that this is true as far as it goes.

I think it is better to seek to understand the individual male’s strategy, and to limit one’s self to it.

I mean, those guys in college that figure out how to make money doing just about everything – they are amazing. But so is the scientist and so is the craftsman, and so is the laborer.

I think what isn’t amazing – what we must watch out for – is a disconnect between a man’s abilities and his strategy.

The same for women. I think we are too easily led (I certainly am) by their attention, when we have zero option of obtaining returns.

Parasitism is not unique to gender. We are just wired to tolerate the parasitism of women because options (lottery tickets) on sex are so valuable to us.

Men give women attention, the way that the poor buy lottery tickets: a very, very, very remote hope that they know will never occur. So that they buy the experience of the fantasy.

So I think your (James) message is to preserve all your capital. But I am too well aware that every person I meet is a cheap put on opportunity, and I treat them as such. Hence, make a good impression but always be too busy to invest in the fulfillment of others’ opportunities unless it benefits you as much or more than them.

In business I usually say this “Work with partners with whom you have equal economic interest”. Otherwise you do not have the same interests.

Cheers