(diary) I had a regret. A very big one. That I had not worked on philosophy when

(diary)

I had a regret. A very big one. That I had not worked on philosophy when I was in college – that I had not joined the literature department when asked by its chair. That I was overly fascinated with career motives in engineering, law, or art, than I was in ‘the recreation of literature and philosophy’.

But now, I question, would I have just fallen into the trap of the academy and perished with academic philosophy during my generation? I can never know the answer to this question – I suspect I might have been much happier person in twenties and thirties if I had. It is just as likely I think, given that it was during the Reagan revolution, that I would have found some equally interesting problem to solve.

On the other hand, I am profoundly proud of what I have chiseled out from inside of this chunk of marble under my daily toil. Propertarianism is something very special and very profound. And now that I can see my way to finishing it – that I *can* finish it – perhaps without too much struggle, I know what it means to me to have made it. It is the greatest thing I have ever done, and everything else in my life is discounted to the pale by its achievement.

I am very fond of and proud of what I have learned about man and myself by my serial entrepreneurship. I am emboldened by the knowledge that I can compete on that stage. And I will never look at material things again and say “I want or wish for that experience”. But, given the illness and anxiety all that entrepreneurship has given me, I wish I had not done it.

Yet here I am, having crafted, despite those decisions – whether good or bad – my single goal in life, from the age of twelve. I had no other.

At the age of twelve, I told my god I would build him a church if he gave me the wealth to do it. I meant a building. But the wealth he gave me was to give me time, and the church we wanted was one built of my words.

And building with those words I have restored my gods – not to an altar, but to a pedestal, where they desire to be. Altars are for the submissive and the weak to obey. Pedestals are for the competent and the strong. Gods are to be admired, imitated, remembered. No god worthy of advice seeks submission. Any god worthy of advice and counsel seeks liberty for his people – or he is not a god but a demon – a devil. Some gods need us to free them from a prison constructed by demons. Liberty frees our gods from theirs.

I know what my next purpose is. I must finish this one and start on it while I have the time left to craft it – thankfully I now have build the words to craft it with.

We need tools to make the tools, to make the things we desire. Propertarianism is but the tool with which to craft the tool, to make the thing, that we desire.

When I write, my gods speak to me in the only way they can. I am never quite sure which words are mine, and which are theirs. I believe they are mine, but then when I look back at them, I cannot imagine how they could be.

Curt Doolittle